Treacherous
by starrysky7
Summary: Everyone has a past, secrets that they would rather keep quiet. Valerie had many. But what happens when she meets a certain biker. Will she trust him? Can they overcome the hurdles sent their way?
1. Chapter 1- The Beggining

**Disclaimer- I do not own Sons of Anarchy, all rights belong to Kurt Sutter.**

**Chapter 1- The Beggining**

_This slope is treacherous_

_This path is reckless_

_This slope is treacherous_

_And I,I,I like it_

_Treacherous By Taylor Swift_

The mood was somber as we said our final goodbyes. I sat in my chair, everyone was watching me, sending me sympathetic glances. I was a 25-year-old widow, and I couldn't help but wonder how I got here.

_July 23rd 2004_

It was a warm summer day, the sun was beating down, warming my pale skin. I had my long blonde hair was blowing about in the wind. My car had broken down, so now I was sitting on the hood waiting for the row truck to arrive. I was laying down, sunglasses over my eyes when I heard the tow truck finally arrive. I jumped off the hood and walked towards the truck. I heard a door slam as someone got out of the car, it was a man. He was tall, taller than me, with dirty blonde hair, tan skin and covered in tattooes. He froze when he saw me, looking me up and down like he had never seen a woman before. I smiled at him and continued walking towards him while he just stood there. When I was standing right in front of him he finally cracked a smile.

"So what's wrong with your car?" he asked

"Well it won't start" I said, that was a really stupid question

"Okay, you hop in the car and wait" he said

I followed his order and got in the car to wait. After hooking the car on he got in the truck and started driving. We drove in silence, I was looking out the window but he kept glancing over at me.

"So what's your name?" He asked

"Valerie, yours?" I replied

"Kozik" he said

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his name but I didn't say anything, what kind of a name was Kozik anyway.

"It's my last name, my first name's Herman" he explained

I had to stifle a laugh when he said that. Herman, that's worse than Kozik, what was his mother on crack when she named him, he must have been bullied a lot as a kid.

"Whats yours? Last name I mean" he asked

"Andeson" I said

"What are you in Tacoma for?" He asked

"I live in Tacoma, I was visiting my Aunt, she lives in Seattle, I was spending the weekend with her" I told him, not sure why but I felt comfortable telling him things about me, even though we had just met

"Oh, so your coming home, that's good" he said, turning his eyes back to the road

"Yeah, something like that" I said, looking back out the window

We sat in silence for the rest of the trip, but Kozik kept looking at me again, I would look over at him and he would turn away embarrassed, bringing a smile to my face.

We pulled into the garage and we got out. I looked around the lot, searching for one man in particular.

"Your here, I wasn't expecting you till tommorow" said Lee walking up towards me

"I was going to come surprise you but then my shit ass car broke down" I said

"I think you need a new car" he said

"A car costs money, and all of mine goes to school" I said, putting a fake smile on

"So how are things going here?" I asked before Lee could offer me any money, I hated taking hand outs

"Fine, business is good" he said

"How's Lana?" I asked, I had always been close with Lee's Old Lady, she always looked after me

"She's good, happy that your here, come on, lets go inside" he said putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me inside the clubhouse

I had never really been around the club recently, not since I was a kid, Lee stopped taking me to the clubhouse when I was a teenager, afraid about the attention I would get from the guys. Then I went on an exchange program to London when I was 16 and stayed there until I graduated. I had just arrived back in the states.

Bowie walked up to us, gaping at the sight of me. He threw his arms around me and pulled me into a big bear hug.

"Look at you Val, all grown up" he said grinning "How was London?" He asked

"It was terrible, I didn't have you there, it was pure torture" I said sarcasticly

"Oh I'm sure it was" he said, turning away and motioning some guys over

"This is Valerie, my god daughter" said Lee

"Valerie, you remember Lorca" said Lee

"Of course I do" I said before hugging Lorca

"This is Bull" said Lee

"Nice to meet you Bull" I said shaking Bull's hand, what was with these nicknames

Bull just nodded at me, I turned back to Lee.

"Since my car's broken down I'm going to need a ride" I said

"Course come on" he said walking out with me following him

We walked out of the clubhouse and towards the garage where my car was. I opened the boot and got my bag out and walked back over to Lee.

"Hey, Koz, give Valerie a ride to my house" he said

Kozik looked up fumbling and dropping the tyres he was carrying, I smiled when his face turned as red as a tomato but Lee either didn't see it, or he just ignored it. Kozik walked over to us and Lee left with one last look at me.

Kozik took my bag from me and put it in the backseat, we got into the row truck and started driving to Lee's house.

"I didn't know Lee had a god daughter" said Kozik

"He stopped bringing me around the clubhouse when I was about 15, then when I was 16 I went on a student exchange to London, stayed there two years, I just got back" I explained

"Your 18" he said shocked

"Yeah, why?" I asked laughing at his response

"Nothing, you just don't look 18, you look older" he said surprised

"I've always looked older than I actually am. Bowie used to call me Jailbait. One of the reasons that Lee kept me away from the clubhouse" I said laughing

Kozik chuckled too, but was still surprised, apparently I really didn't look 18.

"Did you like London?" He asked

"Yeah it was good. I was going to go to University there but, you know, family's here, might stick around for awhile" I said tapping my fingers on the door

"What do you want to study?" He asked

"Teaching, I want to be a teacher" I said smiling

"Thats good" he replied

We pulled into the driveway of Lee's house, Lana was waiting for me out the front. She was a tall women in her mid 30s with long chestnut brown hair, tan skin and stormy grey eyes that could stop your heart with just one look.

"Hey Lana" I said

"Hey Valerie" she said pulling me into a hug "How have you been?" She asked

"Good, I missed you heaps" I said

Kozik handed me my bag that he had gotten out if the back seat. He nodded to Lana before turning his attention back to me.

"Thanks for the ride Kozik, see you around" I said

"Yeah, see you later, bye Lana" he said before getting back in the truck and driving away.

Lana led me inside and into my old room. It still looked the same, everything just as I left it. The walls were still a sky blue, the same colour as the sheets and pillows. My bookshelfs were filled with tons of books, all old and used considering how many times I read them. Pictures were stuck on my pin board, along with certificates and other things from my old school.

I put my bag down on the floor and sat down on my bed. Looking around the room, the feeling of homesickness for a life that was gone spreading.

"Lee didn't want to change anything, not without your consent" said Lana

"It seems like another life" I said

"Yeah, two years can change a lot" she said, leaning on the door frame

I looked at a picture on my bedside table. It was of my and a dark haired boy, with pale skin and chocolate brown eyes, we were 16 and he was pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"How's Danny doing?" I aasked

Lans followed my eyes to the photograph. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about my ex-boyfriend with his step-mother but I was curious to see how much had changed in two years.

"He's good, he's prospecting for the club so that keeps him busy, basically lives at the clubhouse now" she said and I just nodded, staying silent

I knew what she really meant, she meant that he could be easily avoided, but of course I wondered what how he would react when we finally did see each other again.

Lana left the room to make lunch while I unpacked my clothes back into my draws, which already held some old clothes I had left behind. I wondered what would happen now that I was home.


	2. Chapter 2- First Love

**Chapter 2- First Love**

_This love has dried up and stayed behind_

_And if I stay I'll be alive_

_Then choke on words I'd always hide_

_Excuse me first love, but we're through_

_I need to taste a kiss of someone new_

_**August 4th 2004**_

It had been two weeks since I arrived in Tacoma, so far I had successfully avoided Danny. I was getting closer to Kozik, he was always trying, and failing, to flirt with me, I was starting to wonder when he'd finally buck up enough courage to kiss me.

I was sitting on a workbench watching Kozik work on a car, I was handing him tools, much like I used to with Lee when I was younger. We had settled into a comfortable silence, only speaking when Kozik asked for tools. I enjoyed these quiet moments when nothing needed to be said, no words needed to fill the air.

I turned my head when I heard someone walking towards us. I looked up to see Danny, he still looked like the same boy I knew. His hair was still brown, his eyes still the same chocolate brown, his skin was darker but still pale. He was taller now, more muscular, he had grown into a man. He looked even more like a man with his prospect cut on his back.

I knew that we needed to talk, I had been putting it off by avoiding him but I knew that we would have to talk sometime. He nodded his head towards his bike, he walked off and got on his bike. I looked over at Kozik who was watching me with a sad look.

"I'll be back" I said getting off

Kozik nodded his head and returned to work, or at least pretended to, I could feel his eyes on me as I walked to the bike. I sent Kozik one last look before getting on the bike, wrapping my arms around Danny. He started the motorbike and we rode off.

I recognized where we were going when we were about halfway there. It was the forest clearing that we used to go to when we were teenagers. We used to sneak out and go to the park and make out under the trees. It was where I had had my first kiss, coincidently with Danny.

When Danny parked the bike I let go of him, getting off the bike and wandered over to the tree. I ran my hands over the engraving Danny had made when we were 16.

"Danny and Valerie" I whispered

Danny slowly walked up behind me, his hands in his pockets, his face was free of any emotion. Of course it was, probably remembering the last time we talked

SOASOASOA

_Flashback_

_I was throwing the rest of my clothes into my bag, I had packed most of my stuff in the last few days. Lana had kept my secret but Lee had finally found out, which meant that Danny would soon find out. Sure enough I heard a slamming of the door and footsteps in the hallway outside my room._

_My door flew open and Danny stepped inside, his face filled with anger._

_"Are you leaving?" He asked_

_"Yes, I'm going on an exchange program to London" I said calmly_

_"Why?" He whined_

_"It's a good opportunity for me" I said, continuing packing my clothes_

_"No, I don't care, your staying" he yelled, picking up my clothes from my bag and throwing them onto the floor_

_"Danny, please" I said quietly, trying to hold in the tears_

_"No, I'm not letting you leave" he said sternly_

_"You don't have a choice Danny, I'm leaving tommorow, it's over" I said_

_"Fine, whatever, do whatever you want, I don't care" he said before storming out of the room_

_I heard smashing and breaking, him no doubt getting out his anger. I knew there would be resistance to me leaving, but it was my choice, not anyone else's_

SOASOASOA

"Are you happy to be back in Tacoma?" He asked

"Yes, seeing everyone agains good" I said, walking around the trees

"You remember when we used to play tag here, you never could catch me" I said, smiling at the memory

"You were always just out of my reach" he said, his words holding two meanings

"How have you been? Since I left" I asked

"Good, prospecting for the club now, my years almost up so I'll probably be patched in soon" he said

"Hope they're not treating you too awful" I said

He just shrugged "Don't win any brownie points for being the Presidents kid" he said

"Yeah I guess not" I said kicking a stone with my foot, time to stop skirting around the issue at hand "So what did you want to talk about?" I asked

"About you leaving" he said

"I'm sorry that I left, okay, it was just an opportunity I couldn't miss, I should have told you and I'm sorry" I said

Danny laughed "Two years, you left for two years and that's all you've got to say" he said

"I apologized, what else do you want me to say?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest

"Why'd you leave? And don't feed me some bullshit about opportunities, if it was truly about that you would have told me" he yelled

"I wasn't going to take the offer originally, and then I found out about you and Katie" I said, finally revealing the secret I had known for two years but never told

"I'm sorry, it was a mistake, it only happened once" he pleaded

"Danny, I've had two years to move on from it, I mean the betrayal still stings a little but I really don't care anymore" I said honestly

Danny gave me a surprised look, he clearly hadn't expected me to move on from him, I don't think he's truly moved on from me to be honest

"Can you give my a ride back to the garage now?" I asked

"Yeah of course" he said

We got back on the bike and rode back to the garage. When we arrived I got off the bike and walked back to Kozik, smiling at him. Kozik stopped working on the car, he grabbed a cloth to wipe his hands as I approached him.

There was no one else in the garage today, everyone was either out or in the clubhouse, Danny had walked back inside straight away after we got back. I stood in front of Kozik with my hands in my back pockets. Now everything was cleared up with Danny something might be able to start with Kozik, but it looks like I'm going to have to make the first move.

"So, you and Danny huh?" He asked nervously

"Danny, no, two years ago yes, but no not now nor ever again" I said taking a step forward

"Good, I mean, well you know" he stuttered

"Oh shut up" I said

I grabbed Kozik's shirt collar and pulled his face down to mine, our lips meeting. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his were around my waist, my fingers running through his hair.

When we finally pulled away I rested my forehead against his and we just looked into each others eyes.

"I've been wanting to do that since I first saw you" he whispered

"Hey Kozik, Lee needs you" shouted Bull

"I've got to go see you later" he said

"I'm going to head back to the house" I said

"Okay, bye" said Kozik, who was grinning like a fool

We kissed one last time before he headed inside the clubhouse and I went home. When I got home I laid down on my bed, remembering the feeling of Kozik's lips against mine, his hair in my hands, his arms wrapped around me. God I felt so good.


	3. Chapter 3- For The Love Of A Daughter

**Chapter 3- For The Love Of A Daughter**

_You have a hollowed-out heart but it's heavy in your chest_

_I try so hard to fight it but its hopeless, hopeless, your hopeless_

_Oh father, please father_

_I'd love to leave you alone but I can't let you go_

_Oh father, please father_

_Put the bottle down for the love of a daughter_

_For the love of a daughter by Demi Lovato_

_**August 7th 2004**_

It was nightime and I was lying down on top of Kozik on my bed, my head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me. Things has been going well with us since that kiss in the garage. We were official, sort of, I was referred to as Kozik's girl and Lee had even given him the 'hurt her I'll kill you' speech. Danny was as angry as ever, he didn't speak to me and gave us death stares whenever he saw us together, but I didn't really care. Kozik did but, he would always move away from me when Danny was near us, I suppose he didn't want to upset the President's kid. I just thought that Danny needed to get the hell over it.

We were the only ones in the house, Lee had to deal with club business and Lana was working late.

Kozik was holding my hand, rubbing his thumb on my palm, I was too relaxed to notice his thumb moving downwards to my wrist. His thumb grazed over my wrist, over the scar, making me jerk out of his grasp and shoot up.

"Valerie, what happened?" He asked

"Nothing, do you want some lunch, I'm going to go make some" I said, getting up and leaving before Kozik could reply

I had forgotten to put my leather bracelet on that covered my scars. My mind filled with memories of that fateful night, the bathtub filled with water, the feeling of the metal against my skin, the muffled sound of Lee screaming my name.

I jumped when I heard Kozik approach me, dropping the plate, it smashing on the floor.

"Shit" I mumbled

I leant down to pick up the pieces but Kozik beat me to it, he grabbed the larger pieces, cutting his hand in the process. He clutched his bleeding hand and swore. I pulled him into the bathroom, washing the blood off of his hand under the water, he winced when the cold water hit his wound. The cut was small and would heal quickly, I got out a bandaid and put it over the wound.

"There you go, you'll be fine" I said before walking back to the kitchen

I started sweeping up the pieces of broken plate into a dustbin and putting it in the bin. Kozik walked into the room and leant on the kitchen counter.

"Valerie, what happened?" He asked but I just stood there, refusing to answer

"Valerie, you can trust me, please, just tell me" he said walking close to me, putting his hand on my forearm

The phone started ringing, saving me from answering Kozik's questions, at least for a little while.

"Hello" I answered

"Val, it's Bowie, I'm outside your house now, open the door" he said

"Yeah sure" I said before hanging up and opening the door

Bowie walked inside, muttering a hello to Kozik, and sitting down at the dining room table. I sat down across from him, Bowie grabbed my hands that were sitting on the table in his own.

"What happened Bowie?" I asked

"It's your father Val, he has liver cancer, he's at the hospital, probably won't make it very long" he said, wary of my reaction

I just stared at Bowie for a few seconds, letting the information sink in. My father was dying, probably would be dead in a week.

"Tell Lee to call when that happens" I said before getting up and going to my room

I laid down on my bed, clutching the pillow to my chest, letting the tears I had with held for years finally fall down my face

**Kozik's POV**

I walked into the dinning room, Bowie was sitting on the table, sighing when we heard the door slam. I leant on the door frame, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What was that about?" I asked

"Her father, he's dying of liver cancer, in hospital now, gonna die soon. Valerie doesn't want to see him, and with damn good reason" he said leaning forward

"Why? What happened?" I asked

Bowie just shook his head, refusing to answer.

"I saw the scars" I said, Bowie instantly looked up

"I'm supeises, she always keeps those things covered, look if you want to know you're gonna have to ask Valerie, it's not my place to tell you" he said

Bowie got up and left, I was still standing against the door when I heard his bike rumble, the noise quietening as he rode away.

**Valerie's POV**

I was lying on my bed when I heard the door open, I knew it was Kozik but I didn't turn over, just stayed staring at the wall. I felt the bed dip and strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into him.

We stayed like this for awhile, him just holding me. Eventually I turned over and cuddled into his side, my body aching from the crying, it seemed I had a never ending supply of tears. Kozik didn't say anything, just held my weeping form, finally, when I had stopped crying I got up off of the bed and walked into the kitchen.

"What happened? Valerie, just tell me" said Kozik, who was standing behind me

"My fathers dying" I said sternly

"Okay, so why don't you go see him" he suggested, making me scoff

"That bastard deserves what he's getting, being an alcoholic finally killing him" I said angrily

"What he'd do to you?" he asked

"We were happy once, my parents and me, my mother died when I was 11, car crash. My dad started drinking, it got worse over the years. Lee became worried. I used to have bruises on my face, he rarely hit me, only on my mothers birthday and the anniversary of her death, when he was drinking the most. When I was 14, I became depressed, tried to commit suicide" I said, showing him the scar on my wrist "Lee found me just after I cut my right wrist, never got to my left. I went to hospital and that's when he decided that he would look after me from then on" I explained

"Thank God" he said, gently caressing my scar

"Thats not all" I said, taking a deep breath before continuing "I went back home to get my stuff, I thought that he would be passed out drunk, it was my mother's birthday. I got my stuff and just as I was leaving he woke up. He w thought I was my mother, that she was leaving him. He screamed at me and shoved me into a glass cabinet, I hit him over the head with, I don't actually remember what, and ran outside the house. I haven't seen him since" I said

"Oh my God, the glass, were you okay?" he asked

"I went to hospital, a few scars" I said

Kozik turned me around and lifted up my top, running his warm hands over the scars covering my back. He pulled the top off over my head and I let him, he leant down and kissed every inch of the scars, his hands rubbing my waist.

"I will never hurt you" he whispered into my ear

I shivered at his breath on my neck, he made me feel differently then any other guy, this was all new and uncharted territory, and I was prettmm sure that Kozik knew that. He leant his head down, leaning into my hair, he pressed one last kiss to the back of my head before handing me my shirt back and walking out of the kitchen.

Kozik spent the night, we just held each other, not even bothering to change our clothes. I fell asleep easily in his arms, not waking up from a nightmare once during the night.

**SOASOASOA**

I groggily opened my eyes, the sunlight blinding me before my eyes re-adjusted. I moved over on my pillow to feel it move. I shot my eyes up and realized that Kozik was still here, asleep in my bed. I sat up, just sitting there watching him, in a totally not creepy way. He looked so relaxed when he was asleep, calm, innocent, though I suppose that's how everyone looked when their asleep, Kozik was just the first person I had every really watched.

Without thinking I moved my hand over to his cheek, slowly caressing it with my thumb. His hand shot up to grab mine, holding it to my face.

"You know it's not polite to stare" he said, opening his eyes

I smiled as he held my hand, sitting up but still holding my hand.

"I was simply admiring the view" I joked

"I better get going, lot of questions to answer about where I was last night" he said, kissing my knuckles

"So I guess I'll see you later then" I whispered, sad that he was leaving

He let go of my hand and cupped my face. "I'll see you as soon as I can, okay" he said and I simply nodded

He pulled me closer and pressed a kiss to my lips. He leant his forehead against mine, reluctant to leave just as much as I was. After awhile he sighed and got up off the bed, walking out of my bedroom, leaving me on my bed longing for his warm hands to be interlocked with mine.

I looked around the room, it held so many memories of what was really a different life, this was a teenager's room, but I was now an adult. I got up off my bed and started cleaning up the room. This was my new life, I needed what was left of my old one to be gone, or at least where I couldn't see it all the time. After all out of sight out of mind.

I grabbed a box and started pulling up all the old photographs and certificates. I still had unfinished school work on my desk. I put away all my books into the box. Once everything was packed away I put the box in the bottom of my closet. There was nothing left on my desk or my clipboard, I took the clipboard off the wall and leant it against the wall.

I was ready to move on, and that meant facing my past, facing my father.

**SOASOASOA**

I walked through the hospital hallways towards the room that the nurse pointed me to. Lee was standing outside the room, no doubt waiting for me to show up like he knew I would. He nodded at me when I entered the room, I knew he'd give me some privacy but would be close enough to come in case I needed him.

When I walked into the room my eyes immediately fell onto the man who laid in the bed. He looked terrible, his skin was a pale and yellowing, his breathing was quick, like he was struggling for breath. He looked like a man on his deathbed.

"Valerie, I didn't think you'd come" he said, coughing as he did

I hesitantly walked forward, sitting down on one of the chairs, staring up at the man I had once called Daddy.

"I wasn't going to" I said, my voice free of any emotion

"Not like I deserve it anyway, treated you like shit, I am truly sorry about what I did, Val" he said

"Don't call me that" I snapped and he just nodded

"How are you doing?" He asked

"A lot better than you apparently" I said bitterly, I didn't want to have father-daughter chats, I hadn't spoken to him in three years, I wanted things resolved before he died

"I know I don't deserve to know anything about you, but, come on, I'll be a dead man by next week, give a dead man his last wish" he said in a pleading tone

"I spent the last two years in London on an exchange program, I'm going to go to College, study to be a teacher" I said

"Thats good, where are you studying?" He asked

"I don't know, haven't decided yet" I said

"You could go anywhere you know, you shouldn't stay here, go out, see the world, your young, don't get trapped here" he said

I looked up at him, he sounded almost like a father, I knew what he meant, he didn't want me around the club. My questioning eyes stared into his, it must have killed him seeing as I had my mothers eyes, big baby blue orbs, my grandmother always said that I could melt a man with just one look from my eyes, as dis my mother on countless occasions.

"Lee told me about you and the biker. You shouldn't get stuck in Tacoma, you shouldn't have to be trapped into becoming an Old Lady" he warned

"I'm not being trapped" I said

"As long as you have options, your only 18, no need to he tied down just yet" he said

"I've got to go now, I'll come by later to see you" I said getting up

"Okay, goodbye, love you" he said

"Goodbye" I said, deliberately not saying I love you, the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. Ever since my father I had never said 'I love you' to anyone, and I didn't know if I ever would.


	4. Chapter 4- Candles

**Chapter 4- Candles**

_That boy, take me away, out of the hum and into a forest_

_I'll do whatever you say to me in the dark_

_Scared I'll be torn apart by a wolf in mask_

_A familiar name on a birthday card_

_Well I have brittle bones it seems, I bite my tongue and I torch my dreams_

_Have a little voice to speak and a mind if thoughts and secrecy_

_Things cannot be reversed, we learn from the times that we are cursed_

_That things cannot be reversed, we learn from the ones we fear the worst_

_And learn from ths ones we hate the most, how_

_Candles by Daughter_

_**August 10th 2004**_

I was sitting on my bed going through College pamphlets, time was ticking and I needed to figure out which school I was going to soon.

I threw the pamphlets down on my bed and grunted. I could focus on which school I was going to, my mind kept wandering, to Kozik, to Danny, to my father. It had been two days since I visited and I kept fighting the urge to see him, there were too many conflicting emotions were he was involved. I hated him, for starting to drink, for leaving me to raise myself for four years, for hurting me. But he was still my father, and a part of me would always love him, even if I just loved the memory of him.

I heard door front door open. I quickly got off my bed, leaving the discarded pamphlets, and rushing out.

"You want something to eat" I called out assuming that it was Lee or Lana

"A beer would be great" said a familiar voice

I quickly turned around, my heart beating faster out of shock, and because it always did when I was near him.

"Sorry, Lee wanted me to check on you, told me where the spare key was" he said, putting his hands up

"It's okay, just didn't think it would be you" I said turning away from him to walk to the fridge

I held the door open, looking for the beer for Kozik. I felt warms arms wrap around me, he pressed his lips on my neck, leaving a trail of kisses down into the crook of my neck. He pushed the sleeve of my t-shirt down, and began kissing along my shoulder.

"A beer really would be great though" he said chuckling

He let go of me and sat down at the counter. I opened my eyes, which I hadn't even realized that I had closed, and pulled the beer out of the fridge and set it in front of Kozik. I was about to sit down on the chair next to Kozik but he grabbed my arm and pulled my onto his lap, grinning when he saw my shocked expression.

"What, never sat on someone's lap before?" He asked, in more of a joke

I had sat in someone's lap before, I used to sit on my fathers when we practicesed on the piano, sat on my mothers when she read me a story, I had even sat on Danny's once. But I had never sat on Kozik's lap, those people I had never made me feel the way Kozik did so effortlessly, he brightened up my day with just a smile. I was starting to fall for him, hard, if I hadn't already.

"No, it's just, nothing" I said,cupping his cheek and rubbing my thumb cheek it "So why did Lee want you to check on me?" I asked

"Your dad, he's getting worse, few days, tommorow even" he said grimly, but never took his eyes off my face

"He wants you to take me there doesn't he, that's why he sent you, to convince me to come" I said getting up off of his lap

"Val, just listen for a second" he said but I didn't turn around "Valerie, just hear me out" he pleaded

I slowly turned around, but I stayed where I was, not moving an inch from where I was standing. I was angry that Lee had used our relationship to try and get me to visit my father.

"He's your father, you'll regret not visiting him" he said

"No I won't, I made peace with not ever speaking to him again a long time ago. That man is not my father, at least not the one I want to remember" I said, not looking up at him, one look from him and I would give in

"Valerie, just talk to him, put all this to rest" he said, taking a few steps towards me

"It already is" I said

"You wouldn't be so angry if it was" he said, putting his hand on my arm

I looked up, his eyes boring into mine. I nodded, my eyes tearing up but I held back the tears. Kozik took my hand and pulled out the door. We got to his bike and he handed me the helmet, getting on the bike. I just stood there, looking between the bike and him.

"What, never been on a bike before?" He jokingly asked

"No, I have it's just" I said but trailed off

I had been in the back of Lee and Danny's bike, even on the back of Bowie's once, but this was different. I knew the guys didn't let just anyone ride bitch with them. Riding with one of them was pretty serious.

"Come on, just get on the back, wrap your arms around me, it'll be fun, I promise" he said

I got on the back of the bike and nervously wrapped my arms around his waist. They were to lose so Kozik pulled me closer to him, chuckling at my nerves.

"I won't let you get hurt, ever" he said before starting the bike and riding out of the driveway and down the street

I leant my cheek against his back, breathing in the scent of smoke and booze, an oddly comforting smell. I closed my eyes and just relaxed. I tried to forget about where we were going and just focused on being this close to Kozik.

When we finally reached the Hospital I reluctantly let go of Kozik and got off the bike.

"Not that bad was it" he said smiling at me

I smiled back at him and grabbed his hand, interlocking our fingers, and we walked into the Hospital. I walked up to the front desk, Kozik waiting for me by the elevator.

"Excuse me" I said to the woman behind the desk

She looked up at smiled at me, looking between me and Kozik, who was watching my every move.

"Are you looking for the obstetrician?" she asked

I just stared at her confused for a few seconds before realizing what she meant "Oh, no, I'm here to see my father, I was here a few days ago and I just wanted to check if he's in the same room?" I asked

"Oh, sorry, what's his name?" She asked

"Jacob Anderson" I said

"Yes, he hasn't changed rooms" she said smiling up at me but you could see on her face she still felt guilty about her assumption

"Okay, thanks" I said before turning away from her and walking back to Kozik

I grabbed Kozik's hand and pulled him towards my father's room. When we got there Kozik let go of my hand and stood by the door, hands in his pockets, not knowing whether he should come in or not.

"Valerie, it's good to see you" said my father

Kozik had been right, he was getting worse. He looked even more sickly pale, it really only would be a few days now.

"Hi" I said, I stepped closer to the bed, my hands gripping side of the bed.

"I'm glad you came, I wanted to see you one last time" he said

"Don't say that" I said, tears building up in my eyes

"It's the truth baby girl, it's only a matter of time now" he said coughing

"Who's the guy?" He asked

"Uh, dad, this is Kozik" I said

Kozik walked forward and stuck out his hand which my father shook, with what would have been a firm grip had he not been sick.

"It's nice to meet you Mr Anderson" he said

We all continued talking for a few minutes, I happily watched my father and Kozik interact, this man was my father, he was the one I grew up with, the father he had been before my mother's death. Kozik was called away for club business, leaving me with my father.

"He seems nice" he said

"Yeah, he is" I replied smiling

"He really loves you, you can see it in the way he looks at you" he said causing a smile to spread on my face. We hadn't said the words yet but I knew how I felt about Kozik, and my father had just confirmed how he felt about me.

"Do you love him?" He asked

"Yeah, yeah I do" I said

"Good, at least he can take care of you, better than I ever could" he said

"Dad" I started but he interrupted

"No, I was a terrible father, I was so consumed with my own grief that I didn't look after you. Promise me you'll never do that, never let yourself go, always look after your family" he said, not knowing how relevant his words would become, or maybe he did

"Okay, I promise" I said

"Good, can't have you" he started but stopped and started clutching his chest

"Dad, Doctor" I called out

The Doctor and nurses rushed into the room and started to use the defibrillator on him. A nurse pushed me out if the room, I watched from outside as they desperately tried to re-start my fathers heart.

**SOASOASOA**

I sat on the chair in my fathers room, my arms were hugging my knees to my chest as I watched my father breathe. They had managed to start his heart back up but his time was coming to an end, this was it. Kozik and Lee were standing outside the room watching me, I had called Lee as soon as I could, he brought Kozik.

I hadn't said anything to anyone, if I did then that would mean admitting that my father was dying, that he would probably be dead by the end of the night.

"Valerie, come over here" he said, struggling with his breathing

"I'm here dad" I said getting up and clutching his hand

"Bring Lee and Kozik in, I want to talk to them" he said

I walked out if the room and told Lee and Kozik to come in. I stood by the door, close enough to over hear what they were saying.

"Take care of her. Lee you did when I couldn't, and I'm eternally grateful for that. Kozik, she loves you, don't hurt her, make sure she's okay after this, help her" he said

Both men nodded, I looked over to see Kozik staring up at me. He was trying to hide his smile because of the situation, but he was definitely happy that I was in love with him. I walked back to the side of the bed and grabbed his hand.

"Valerie, I love you, I always will" he said

"I know, I love you too dad" I said, tears falling down my cheeks

"Your mother would be so proud" he said

He passed away a few hours later, I was there, holding his hand while he took his last breath. Both Kozik and Lee had stayed with me. Kozik had taken me home, Lee and Lana were staying at the clubhouse tonight to give me some space.

I was laying down on the bed, Kozik was sitting next to me, runnings his fingers through my hair. I sat up and leant my head against Kozik's shoulder. I was going to do what my father said, I was going to move on, and Kozik would keep his word, he would look after me, he always would.

I pulled Kozik into a kiss, it was passionate and lustful, something new to me. I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling him close. We laid down on the bed and continuing kissing, taking little breaks in between kisses to breath. I pushed Kozik's cut off and started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. Kozik pulled away from me and sent me a questioning look.

"Are you sure you want this?" He asked

"Kozik, your the only man I've ever loved, I sure as hell want this" I said

Kozik leant back down and started kissing me again. Clothes were soon discarded, left on the floor of the room, and our naked bodies were intertwined.

**SOASOASOA**

We woke up in the same position as we had a few days ago, my head on Kozik's chest with his arms wrapped around me, except this time we weren't fully clothes, we were far from it. I cuddled closer into Kozik's arms, he was still asleep but he seemed to react by pulling me closer.

I just laid next to Kozik, his slow, calm breathing relaxing me. It felt like hours until Kozik finally started to wake up. He slowly opened his eyes, sitting up and looking over at me smiling.

"Good morning" I said

"Good morning to you too" he replied

He leant down and started kissing my bare shoulder, leaving a trail as he continued up my neck. He pulled away and cupped my face with his hands.

"I love you" he said smiling

"I love you too" I replied, leaning my forehead against his

"Are you okay? Last night" he asked worryingly

"I'm fine, might need new sheets but" I reassured him, looking down at the small patch of blood

"I didn't know it was your first, I assumed" he said but trailed off

"You assumed that me and Danny did, he wanted to but it never felt right, not like this does" I said

"I'm glad I was your first" he said

"Me too" I whispered


	5. Chapter 5- DNA

**I added stuff and edited the last chapter, thank you to demonicer for pointing out the mistake.**

**Chapter 5- DNA**

_Does he tell you he loves you when you least expect it_

_Does he flutter your heart when he kisses your neck_

_No scientist or biology, it's obvious when he's holding me_

_Its only natural that I'm so affected_

_And my heart won't beat again, if I don't feel him in my veins_

_No need to question, I already know_

_Its in his DNA , DNA, it's in his DNA_

_And he just takes my breath away, breath away_

_I feel it every day, and that's what makes a man_

_Not hard to understand_

_Perfect in every way, I see it in his face_

_Nothing more to say, it's in his DNA_

_Its the blue in his eyes that helps me see the future_

_Fingerprints that leave me covered for days_

_Now I don't have any first degree, but I know what he does to me_

_No need to work it out its so familiar_

_DNA by Little Mix_

_**September 15th 2004**_

It had been over a month since Kozik and I had spent the night together, since I lost my virginity to the only man I have ever, and even may ever, love. Lana had known instantly what had happened, it was as if I had some glow about me, walked differently, Lee had noticed something but didn't say anything.

Lana was taking me to look at different Colleges in the past few days, today we were at the University of Washington Tacoma. I was probably going to go here, seeing as how it had a good program for education and it was close to Tacoma. It didn't start until summer so that gave me some time to earn some money. I had been left some in my dads will, both my grandparents and parents had a college fund for me, even Lana and Lee had some money put away for me. All of it covered the tuition fee but I didn't want to live in Lee's house anymore, I wanted my own space.

I was sitting across from Lana at a cafe near the campus. We had looked around and I was almost certain that I wanted to go here. Lana was sipping her coffee, she was wearing a singlet, showing her crow tattoo. I looked at it, every Old Lady had one, would Kozik give me one, would he make me his Old Lady.

"Did the tattoo hurt?" I asked

"The crow, yeah but it was bearable, good because of what it meant you know" she said, I nodded my head in response "Are you gonna get one? Kozik gonna make you his Old Lady?" She asked

"I don't know, I hope so" I said, looking down at my full cup of coffee

"He will, he loves you" she said "How come you haven't drunken your coffee, I paid good money for that" she asked pointing a finger at me

"You shouldn't pay good money for shit coffee" I said laughing "I haven't been unable to drink coffee much lately, making me feel sick" I said

Lana just nodded, eyeing me suspiciously, knowing something I seemingly didn't.

We left soon after and headed back to the garage. When we got there the guys had just arrived back. I ran up to Kozik, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the shop, away from prying eyes.

"Hey baby, how's the school hunting going?" He asked

"Good, basically know where I'm going to go, school starts in summer so that gives me lots of time" I said

"Thats good, listen I have to go" he said taking a step backwards

"Okay, see you later, love you" I said

"Love you too" he said before giving me a quick kiss and going into the clubhouse

I stood there, watching him leave, biting my lip, still trying to slow my racing heart. It still beat faster at his knew touch, almost jumped out of my chest when he kissed me and almost exploded when he told me he loved me.

Lana walked over after Kozik went inside and offered me a ride home, which I gladly accepted. We got in the car and started driving, but not home, instead she stopped in front of a pharmacy. I was confused but still followed her inside, she walked down the aisle, stopping when she found what she was looking for. I looked over to she was looking for, pregnancy tests, she was looking for pregnancy tests.

"You think your pregnant?" I asked

"No honey, I think you are" she said bluntly, not even taking her eyes off the tests

"I'm not pregnant, why would you think I would be pregnant?" I asked, shocked

"Because I clearly remember that your mother said that when she was pregnant with you she couldn't drink coffee for the first trimester" she said knowingly

"That doesn't prove anything" I said

"Just think Valerie, when you too were together, did you use protection?" She asked seriously

I thought back to that night, we had been too caught up to worry about that, in fact I hadn't even thought about it until know, God how could I be so stupid.

"I don't know maybe, I' m not sure" I said, my voice shaking

"Hey, don't worry darling, go buy these and we'll see" she said handing me two different packets of tests

I nervously walked up to the counter and gave the tests to the lady, getting out my purse. The women looked between me and the tests.

"Aren't you a little young" She scoffed

I handed her the money and grabbed the tests, not even thanking her. How dare she judge me, she didn't even know me. But she had a point. I was only eighteen, barely even an adult, in fact I could still be considered a teenager. And yet here I was, buying pregnancy tests, I could be pregnant by a guy I had only know for a few months. I hadn't even started college yet. This couldn't be happening, I couldn't pregnant.

When we got home I ran to the bathroom and ripped the packet open, taking a test and peeing on it. I put it up on the sunk, washed my hands and set the timer. It five minutes the test would reveal my fate, and my life could be changed forever.

We sat in the bathroom to wait, not saying a single word, just sat there, Lana holding my hands trying to comfort me. When the timer went off I slowly went over and picked up the test. It was now or never.

**What do you want the result of the test to be? Review with thoughts and opinions.**


	6. Chapter 6- Secret

**Chapter 6- Secret**

_Got a secret_

_Can you keep it, swear this one you'll save_

_Better lock it in your pocket, taking this one to the grave_

_If I show you, then I know you won't tell what I said_

_Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead_

_Secret by The Pierces_

_**September 15th 2004**_

Never in my life had I thought I would not want a positive test results, that was until now. It just wasn't possible, I couldn't be pregnant, I couldn't be having a baby.

"No, it's got to be wrong" I said but Lana cut me off

"Just like the one before that, or the two before that, face it girl, your pregnant" she said, her hands on her hips

"What am I going to do?" I asked

"Firstly your going to tell Kozik, then your going to go to the doctors and make sure everything's alright" she said

I looked at up her, I really didn't want to tell Kozik, what if he didn't want it, what if he left me. I wasn't ready for this. I looked at the clock, realizing that I was supposed to be at my dads house in five minutes.

"I've got to go to my dads house, my Aunts waiting there. I'm sorry" I said, grabbing my bag and rushing out before Lana could say anything

When I got to my dads house my Aunt was waiting for my out the front. She had come up today only because I had asked her to, she was my mothers sister and never liked my father, especially after my mothers death.

"Valerie, how are you sweetheart?" She asked

"I'm good, Sarah" I said as I unlocked the door

The house looked basically the same as it had four years ago. I hadn't stepped foot in the house since I moved in with Lee and Lana, it still held the stench of alcohol, though at lot less than what it had once been.

There were boxes piled up, most of his stuff already packed and ready to go.

"Looks like he was prepared" muttered Sarah

"Yeah, I guess he was" I said

"What do you want to do with them?" She asked

"I want to look through it, then we can put it in storage" I said getting a box and putting it on the table

"Okay, I'll just leave you here to go through it, call me when your done" she said before leaving

I started looking through the boxes, the first few has his clothes in it so I put them aside. The next box had photos, some of me growing up, my parents before me, their wedding day. It also had birth, marriage and death certificates.

The other boxes just had some stuff from my childhood, toys and clothes that were left here. The last one had a bunch of journals and letters. I picked up the first book and opened it. It was a letter from Lee to my mother.

_Dear Amanda _

_My sweet beautiful Amanda, my heart aches for you while I'm inside. I can't help but wonder what would have happened had I not been out away. We would probably be together now, married. But that's not going to happen now, or ever. I really wish things were different but I know that these letters must stop. You will soon be a married women, a mother as well, and I a father. I wish that we could have these things together but fate seemed to have a different idea in mind. I hope you know that I will always love you, no matter where you go, who your with, I will always be here._

_Love Lee_

I put down the letter, my hand shaking. It wasn't just a letter, it was a love letter, from my godfather to my mother right before my parents were married. Lee had a lot of questions to answer. Why was he writing my mother love letters? Weren't my parents in love? That couldn't have been if she was writing love letters to another man.

Had my father wanted me to find this? He must have if he packed it away, knowing him and what he went through after her death, he would not have kept proof that his wife was in love with another man, he would have burned them.

When had he found them? Had they had anything to with my father's downward spiral into alcoholism. I had to ask Lee, I needed to know.

I grabbed the box and put it in my car, driving back home. When I got back Lana's car was still in the driveway. Did she know? Would Lee really have told his Old Lady about the women he had once loved? So many questions that needed answering.

I carried the box inside, walking straight past Lana and into my room, putting the box on my bed. Lana had followed me inside and was standing in the doorway.

"Where's Lee? I need to talk to him" I asked

"He's still dealing with club business, can I help you?" She asked

"Did you know? About the letters" I asked

"I knew parts of it. Lee told me some but he doesn't like talking about it" she said

"I just need to know the truth" I said sitting down on my bed "Were Lee and my mother in love?" I asked

"Yes, they were. That's all I can say. If you want to know anything else your going to have to ask Lee" she said and I nodded in response

"Have you told Kozik? About the baby" she asked

"I hadn't even thought about it" I said exasperated

"You need to tell him" she said

"I will, I'll go now" I said getting my bag and standing up

"Good luck, and remember girl, he loves you" she said

I got into the car and started driving to the garage, my hands shaking with nerves about what Kozik would think. When I got there I almost didn't get out, almost turned around and left, but then I saw Kozik in the shop. I took and deep breath and got our of the car, walking slowly over to him.

"Valerie, hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were at your dads" He asked

"Yeah I was, everything already packed so I just have to put it in storage" I said

"So you just wanted to visit me" he said pulling me by my hand into an embrace, wrapping his arm around my waist

"I need to talk to you about something" I said pushing him away a bit.

He eyes me cautiously but still held onto my hands, pulling me closer to him.

"Okay, sure" he said

"Um, I'm, uh, I don't know how to say this" I said, looking down at my feet

"Just say it Val" he said laughing at my nerves

"I'm pregnant" I said looking up into his eyes

Kozik stopped laughing and just stared at me for a few seconds, a shocked expression on his face.

"Your what?" he asked

"Pregnant, you know bun in the oven" I said letting out a strangled laugh

"Pregnant, as in baby, as in we're having a baby" he said looking between my face and stomach

"Yeah, we're having a baby" I said "Is this a good thing?" I asked

"Of course it is. How could our baby be a bad thing?" He asked shocked that I would ever think that

"You have on idea how much I needed to hear that" I said pulling him into a kiss

Kozik wrapped his arms around me, holding me even closer. He pulled away and beamed down at me.

"We're having a baby" he said lifting me up and swinging me around

Bowie had heard the commotion and came over. We eyed the both of us suspiciously.

"What's going on?" He asked, his arms crossed across his chest. Kozik had his arms wrapped around me, his chin leaning on my neck, his hands laying on my belly, a smile on his face.

"We're having a baby" Kozik blurted out before I could stop him

Bowie's expression changed from suspicious to horrified to happy in a second.

"Congratulations you two, wow that was fast" he said

He hugged Kozik and me, he walked back inside the clubhouse, a shocked expression still on his face. As soon as he was gone I hit Kozik on the chest.

"Ow, what was that for?" He asked

"For telling Bowie" I said, my hands on my hips

"Why? Wasn't I supposed to?" He asked confused

"Kozik, your not supposed to tell anyone until your 12 weeks, according to my math it's only been 6" I said

Kozik pulled me into a hug and groaned.

"I can't wait 6 weeks to tell everyone" he whined

"Well good for you because now you won't have to" I said

"What do you mean?" He asked confused

"Do you really think Bowie isn't going to tell everyone?" I asked

"No probably not, I'm sorry" he said guiltily

"It's okay, I get it, your excited and want to tell everyone the good news, it's not a bad thing" I said crumpling up his cut in my hands

I saw Lee conning over, he was watching our exchange, slowing down when he saw me looking at him, a guilty expression on his face. He knew that I knew about the letters. He came over smiling at us.

"Congratulations, I'm happy for both of you" he said

"Thanks Lee, that means a lot" said Kozik

Lee stared at me, he wanted to talk but obviously Kozik wasn't getting the message.

"Hey can you get me some water?" I asked

"Yeah sure" he said grinning and walking away, none the wiser

"Congratulations on the pregnancy. It was kind of fast" he said

"Yeah that's what Bowie said" I said, crossing my arms over my chest

"So you were at your dad's today, going through his stuff" he said

"We need to talk" I said

"I figured" he said looking down at his shoes "Can we talk later? I've got club business to take care of" he asked

"Yeah sure" I said before walking off

Kozik walked up to me, a bottle of water in hand. He gave me the water, looking back at Lee.

"What's going on?" he asked

"I'll tell you later, promise" I said kissing him and getting in my car, driving back home to read more of the letters.


	7. Chapter 7- Small Bump

**Chapter 7- Small Bump**

_You're just a small bump, unborn, in four months you're brought to life_

_You might be left with my hair but you'll have your mothers eyes_

_I'll hold your body in my hand be as gentle as I can but for now your a scan on my unmade plans_

_A small bump, in four months you're brought to life_

_I'll hold tightly, I'll give you nothing but truth_

_If your not inside me I'll put my future in you_

_You are my one and only_

_You can wrap your fingers around my thumb and hold me tight_

_Your just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin_

_With a smile like hers and a simple beneath your chin_

_Small Bump by Ed Sheeran_

_**September 20th 2004**_

We sat in the waiting room at the Doctors, my foot tapping at the ground nervously. Kozik was sitting next to me, holding my hand and smiling at me. He seemed more enthusiastic about this pregnancy then I was; all I could think about was how we would pay for things and what would happen, the if's and but's.

"Valerie Anderson" called out the nurse finally

We got up and walked over to her, hand in hand. She led us into the room, leaving me there while she got the Doctor. I laid down on the chair, still holding Kozik's hand.

"Hey, I love you" whispered Kozik, kissing me on my head

The Doctor walked in and I recognized her, I went to school with her daughters, we used to be friends.

"Valerie, what a suprise, I heard you were back" she said brightly, eyeing Kozik before returning her gaze back to me

"Yeah, I've been meaning to see Sam but I've been busy with my dad" I said

"I heard about him, I'm so sorry" she said

"Thank you" I said

"Well, lets get started" she said

She got me ready and I watched the screen, waiting for my baby to appear. Sure enough a shady outline could be seen and a clear heartbeat could be heard. My eyes started to tear up as I stared up at my child. Too think that this was actually growing inside of me; mine and Kozik's child. Kozik leaned down and kissed my head.

"You have no idea how much I love you right now" he whispered to me, stroking my hair

"Everything is normal, you are seven weeks, your baby is healthy, come in for regular check ups and you should be fine" she said packing up the equipment

"Thank you Mrs Collins" I said

"Thats all right dear, I'll tell Sam that your back, she'll want to see you" she said smiling at me before walking out of the room

I got up of the chair and Kozik picked me up, swinging me around while I squealed. He put me down and pressed a kissed to my lips. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leant my head against his chest. This was right, this was where I wanted to be for the rest of my life; with Kozik and soon with our child.

**SOASOASOA**

I sucked in my gut and zipped up my jeans. They were tight, just like every other article of clothing, and would soon not fit. I had taken to wearing baggy clothes, seeing as how I didn't want to go shopping for new clothes just yet.

I was going to meet up with Sam, I wondered what she would be like, if she had changed in two years. What would she think of my pregnancy, my relationship with Kozik. I shrugged the thoughts out of my head, grabbing my bag and driving to the cafe.

Sam was waiting there for me when I arrived. I greeted her and sat down opposite her, ordering a banana smoothie. She hadn't changed much, just looked older, dressed older.

"So, I hear congratulations are in order" she said smiling

"Yes, I am seven weeks pregnant" I said grinning

"Danny's disappointed I bet" she said

"What do you mean?" I asked confused

"He never really got over you. And now your having a kid with someone he knows" she said knowingly

Thats why he always glared at Kozik, he was jealous. Good, he was a prick when we were together, he would never get me back and he had to live with that.

"That's his problem" I said

"That a girl" She said grinning "So, this new guy, what's he like?" she asked

"He's great, he's kind and funny and very good looking" I said blushing

"Well you two really didn't wait, already having a kid" she said surprised

"I know, I never thought" I started but trailed off

"I don't think anyone did, those legs were sealed shut before, must be quite a guy to pry them open" she said

"He is" I mumbled

We spent the rest of the time catching up, I found out that Sam was studying to become a doctor, just like her mum, and that she was engaged to her high school boyfriend. She gushed about her wedding plans, urging me to be one of her bridesmaids.

"Come on, I need you there, we used to talk about this remember" she pleaded

"You talked, I listened, besides why do you want a pregnant bridesmaids" I said

"Val, your my best friend, and I only have Max's sister Sarah and my cousin Lisa, I need more, it'll be fun" she said

"Fine, but don't expect me at the bachelorette party" I said

"Thank you" she said squealing

"It's okay" I said laughing at her

"Besides it's in four months so you won't be huge, plus you get me as your bridesmaid when you get married, I'll plan an awesome bachelorette party" she said

I laughed along with her but my mind was racing. Kozik and I had never talked about marriage, though we had never really talked about the future at all. I knew we had to soon. I didn't want to be living with Lana and Lee when the baby was born, I wanted to live with Kozik, be a family.

I had left soon after that, driving back home. Lana was the only one there when I got back, she was cooking cupcakes.

"How'd it go with Sam?" She asked, getting the cupcakes out of the oven

"Good, I'm going to be a bridesmaid at her wedding" I said, sitting down at the kitchen counter

"Thats great" she said smiling "When's the wedding?" She asked

"Four months, so I'll be big by then" I said laughing

"Don't worry about it, you'll be pregnant big so it's alright" she said laughing "Lee wants to talk to you" she said

"Okay, I've been meaning to talk to him but I was busy, with the doctor appointment and all" I said

"How did it go?" She asked

I got the ultrasound picture out of my purse and handed it to her. She beamed down at it, staring at my baby.

"Is everything okay?" She asked

"Yeah, I'm seven weeks along, the baby is healthy, everything is great" I said my voice faltering when I said that everything was great

"What's wrong?" She asked handing me back the photo

"It's just Sam, talking about her wedding, she said that when I got married she would throw me an awesome bachelorette party" I said

"So what's the problem?" She asked confused

"It's just, I'm eighteen for Gods sake, I never thought I'd be talking about marriage and children, let alone be having a kid" I said frustrated

"Do you want to marry Kozik?" She asked

"I want Kozik, I want to be his Old Lady, have our baby and live out long happy lives together, I want it more than I want anything else" I said

"Then there's no problem, Lee is at the clubhouse, go see him" she said, well more like ordered

I jumped off the seat, grabbed my bag, heading off to the clubhouse and hopefully to find some answers.

When I got there Lee was sitting in Church by himself, Lana must have called him because he was waiting for me. I sat down next to him, watching him intently before starting to talk.

"I need answers Lee" I said

"To what?" He asked in mock confusion

"To why you were sending my mother love letters" I said, lowering my voice although no one could hear us

"Because I was in love with her, had been since we were kids" he said

"Then why didn't she marry you?" I asked

"Because she was pregnant with you, I was already in jail" he said looking down in shame

"Please don't tell me your actually my father" I begged

"No, God, no, we were only ever together like that once, years before you were born" he said awkwardly "Besides, did you really think I'd let you and Danny be together if you were siblings" he said angrily

"We were never together like that" I said quietly

"Oh" Lee mumbled, and awkward silence falling over us, neither of us wanted to discuss the sex life of the other at all

"Thats why my father started drinking, he found out after she died didn't he?" I asked, well more accused

"Yes, he found the letters" he said

"Thats why, the thought that the dead wife that he loves so much was in love with someone else the entire time drove him to it. It's why you were always looking after me, you felt guilty" I yelled, my eyes beginning to fill with angry tears

"No, Valerie, you were like a daughter to me, I had to look after you. It's what your mother would have wanted" he said pulling me into a hug

At first I fought him but eventually I gave up, letting myself fall apart in his arms, crying out for my dead parents.

The tears eventually stopped and I pushed myself away from Lee, drying my face, making sure that I looked somewhat presentable.

"I'm not angry Lee, try not to feel guilty" I said before walking out of the clubhouse

As soon as Kozik saw my red eyes he came rushing over to me, something that warmed my heart.

"Are you okay?" He asked

"I'm fine, we were just settling some history" I said smiling at Kozik

Kozik eyed the clubhouse warily, not fully believing me.

"Kozik, I really I'm fine, I'll be at home" I said walking away but Kozik pulled me back into his arms

"I'll pick you up in a hour, I've got a suprise for you" he whispered into my ear, his hands brushing against the now slightly visible baby bump

"Okay, see you then, love you" I said kissing him before turning around and walking back to my car.

I opened my door, feeling eyes on me I turned around. I saw Danny staring at me, a mixture of hurt and anger in his eyes. I shrugged it off and got into the car, trying to forget about my ex-boyfriend, who it seemed had not forgotten about me.


	8. Chapter 8- Video Games

**Chapter 8- Video Games**

_It's you, it's you, it's all for you, everything I do_

_I tell you all the time Heaven is a place on Earth with you_

_Tell me all the things you want to do_

_I heard that you like the bad girls honey is that true_

_It's better than I ever even knew_

_They saw that the world was built for two_

_Only worth living if somebody is loving you_

_And baby now you do_

_Video Games by Lana Del Rey_

_**October 27th 2004**_

I was finishing up my shift at my new job, it was just waitressing at the cafe my cousin owned but it meant I had some sort of income, I still hadn't figured out how I was going to support this baby. Kozik had assured me that he was going to chip in but I didn't want to rely on him for money, I didn't want to be some nagging baby momma.

I was now twelve weeks along and I had a small baby bump, meaning that I had to go shopping for more clothes, which was hard seeing as how I was trying to save money. Lana paid for most of the clothes, saying that it was a gift, although it felt more like charity to me.

I collected my tips, thanking my cousin, and left. Kozik was sitting on his bike waiting for me.

"You know I won't be able to ride bitch with you soon" I said standing next to him

"You'll have to find a new ride then won't you" he joked

I smacked his shoulder playfully and got on the back of the bike, wrapping my arms around his waist. He started the bike and we rode off.

We went the usual way home, but this time he started going a different way. I frowned in confusion, not knowing where he was taking me. We pulled up in front of house. It was one storey, with a small garden of flowers out the front. Kozik grabbed my hand and pulled me inside the house, smiling at my shock.

It was medium sized, with three bedrooms and one bathroom. The kitchen was large and so was the living room. I walked out the back to see a large backyard with a garden.

"What do you think?" Asked Kozik

"It's great, but why are we here?" I asked still confused

"Because, this is our new home, put the deposit down today. We can move in in the next few days" he said grinning

I was so happy, I was getting every thing I wanted, everything was falling into place. I flung my arms around Kozik's neck. He picked me up, my legs wrapping around him.

"I love you so much Kozik" I said, holding his face in my hands

"I love you too" he said kissing me

We had started moving in the next day. There wasn't much stuff to move yet, seeing as how we didn't own much. Just a bed and a couch so far. My stuff was piled up Ik boxes, Kozik's were too but he had much less than me.

Lee walked in carrying a box, Lana behind him. She rushed forward to hug me, while Lee shook Kozik's hand.

"We bought you some stuff" said Lana opening the box

"You shouldn't have" I said but she cut me off

"Think of it as a home warming present, besides doesn't look like you have much anyway" she said

I sighed in defeat and walked up to her to help her unpack the box. There were some plates, cutlery and glasses in there. Pots and pans, basic utensils that we would need.

"Not much, you'll still need to buy more but it's something" she said

"Thank you so much" I said, tears filling my eyes

"Come on no need to cry" said Lana

Lee was edging away from me, crying girls had never been his forte, let alone crying emotional pregnant girls.

"Sorry, damn hormones" I said, laughing while I dried my eyes

They helped us unpack, Lee and Kozik doing any heavy lifting. It felt good to have them here with us, felt like a family, and that family would soon be growing. I rubbed my hand absentmindedly I over my belly, leaning on the door frame watching Kozik and Lee having a beer out the back.

"Five more months now, are you nervous?" Asked Lana who had walked up behind me

"About being pregnant or being a mother?" I asked

"Both"

"Well I'm nervous about the birth, but I'm not really nervous about being a mother. I love this kid, and I'll have Kozik" I said happily

"Your a good woman Valerie, good Old Lady" she said walking out to Lee

Lee and Lana left not long after their conversation. What she had said got me thinking. Was I Kozik's Old Lady? I mean I might as well have been. But of course he hasn't actually branded me as his yet.

We were sitting on the couch, I was curled up in his arms, we were watching tv. Kozik was intently watching the news, while I was watching him.

"Kozik, am I your Old Lady?" I asked

Kozik tore his eyes away from the screen to look at me "Of course you are baby" he assured me

"Why haven't you put a crow on me yet?" I asked

"After you have the baby, heard it was bad for pregnant women" he said causing me to smile

"Where'd you find that our?" I asked, surprised that he knew that

"I asked Happy, wanted to do it a few weeks ago" he said

I snuggled back into Kozik, satisfied with his answer. I soon fell asleep, I dreamt about my baby, my future with Kozik.

**SOASOASOA**

**_November 1st 2004_**

Kozik had been gone on a run for the past few days, I had been busting myself with work but now I was at the clubhouse waiting eagerly for his return. I sat on top of a picnic table, Lana sitting next to me. The sound of motorbikes roaring filled my ears as the pulled into the lot. I jumped off the table, taking a few steps closer, my eyes searching for Kozik. Sure enough I saw him and sprinted over, jumping into his outstretched arms.

"God I missed you" I mumbled into his chest

"I was only gone a few days" he said putting me on the ground but not letting go of me

"And it was pure torture" I said smiling up at him

"Come on" he said slinging his arm over my shoulder and leading me inside the clubhouse

The party had started and the guys were already starting to drink, scantily clad women were walking around. I clung by either Kozik's or Lana's side for most of the night. Danny kept looking over at me, so much sadness in his eyes that I was beginning to feel sad for him.

I was sitting on the bar, holding a drink of lemonade in my hand. Kozik was off playing pool and Lana had gone somewhere with Lee. I heard someone sit next to me, I looked over to see a bald man, covered in tattoos with dark piercing eyes.

He looked me up and down, his eyes stopping at my stomach "Your Kozik's Old Lady aren't you?" He asked

"Yeah, your Happy" I said vaguely recollecting some childhood memories

His face twisted in confusion on how I knew who he was.

"I'm Lee's god daughter, he brought me around here, I remember seeing you once" I said

"Good memory" he said taking a sip of his beer

"I asked who you were and Lee told me your name, but I said that it didn't make any sense because you didn't look Happy" I said, not knowing why I was saying this

Happy laughed at me, a smile on his face, proving that I was wrong.

"Hey, I was eight at the time so I asked a lot of stupid questions" I said laughing

"You don't look stupid to me" he said seriously

His intense gaze made me somewhat uncomfortable but I found that I could not look away. I was dragged from this trance when I heard Kozik's laughter.

"It's probably because I'm the only woman here wearing a decent amount of clothing" I said getting up and walking over to Kozik.

"Hey, come over to see me beat these losers" he said pulling me to him

"Actually I was just about to head off, it's getting late and I have work tommorow" I said

"Sure, see you at home, love you" he said

"Love you too" I said kissing him

I could hear Bowie and Bull teasing Kozik as I walked away, smiling to myself. I walked out of the clubhouse, seeing Happy standing next to his bike putting his helmet on.

"You leaving the party already?" I asked walking up to him

"Yeah, visiting my mum" he said sitting on the bike

"Where does she live?" I asked

"In Bakersfield, she's getting sick, I visit her whenever I can" he said looking up at me

"It's good that you visit her" I said smiling

"You must trust Kozik, leaving him in there with all those crow eaters" he said

"And you must really love your mum if your leaving all this free pussy and booze" I said

Happy laughed at my counterattack, he obviously didn't think I would say anything like that to him.

"Nice one Kid" he said getting ready to ride away

"To answer your question I do trust Kozik" I said

"To answer yours, I do love my mum" he said starting the bike and riding away

I watched him ride off until I could no longer see him, turning around and walking to my car. I saw someone out if the corner of my eye, turning to see Lana's watchful gaze. We locked eyes, holding each others gaze for a few seconds before she walked back inside. I got in my car and started driving back home, wondering what I had done to receive such an icy glare from Lana.


	9. Chapter 9- Daydreamer

**Chapter 9- Daydreamer**

_Daydreamer, sitting on the sea, soaking up th sun_

_He is a real lover of making up the past and feeling up his girl like he's never felt her figure before_

_A jaw dropper, looks good when he walks_

_Is the subject of their talks_

_He would be hard to chase, but good to catch_

_And he could change the world with his hands behind his back_

_You can find him on your doorstep_

_Waiting for a surprise_

_And he will feel like he's been there for hours_

_And you can tell he'll be there for life_

_Daydreamer by Adele_

_**November 3rd 2004**_

It was early in the morning and the sun was shining through the window. Kozik had already left for the clubhouse earlier this morning. I was sitting at the kitchen counter, reading the newspaper and sipping coffee, which I had only recently been able to drink without feeling sick. One particular article caught my attention.

_Local Business Man Found Dead_

_Late last night the police recovered the body of Jonathan Anderson, a local business man who had been missing for a week. The coroner said that he died from two gunshot bullets to the head a week ago. His body was found in the ground of one of his building sites by an employee. Police cannot confirm whether or not they have any leads and are still investigating the case._

I put the newspaper down in shock. Jonathan Anderson, or better known by me as 'Uncle Johnny', was dead. I didn't even know he was missing. It didn't surprise me really. He had always been involved with dirty deals, drug lords and such. No real surprise, he must have pissed one off and they decided to kill him. It was why my mother had forced my father to cut off all contact with him. It was kind of hypocritical seeing as who my god father was and what he did. I decided to visit my Aunt after work, give her my condolences and all.

Work was long and tiring, but enjoyable. I had made friends with one of the other waitresses Sophie. I had just finished taking an order when Sophie hit my arm.

"What is it?" I asked

"Uh, gorgeous tattooed biker is what" she said staring at someone behind us

I turned around expecting to see Kozik, Bowie, maybe even Danny, I never expected to see Happy standing there. I set down my tray and walked over to him.

"Hey, Hap, what are you doing here?" I asked

"Lana asked me to pick you up after your shift, her and Kozik were both busy" he said

"Well I don't finish for ten minutes so just sit down and wait okay" I told him

"Okay, kid" he said mocking my bossy tone

I walked away slightly annoyed at him, and confused about why Lana sent him. Did have anything to do with the look she gave me last night.

"Is that your baby daddy?" Asked Sophie

"No, just a friend, if that" I said watching Happy read the menu

"Well your 'friend' is smoking hot" she said walking off to take orders

I shrugged off Sohpie's comment and continued working.

When I had taken my last order, I collected my tips, grabbed my bag and walked over to Happy.

"I'm finished, we can go now" I said

Happy got up and walked out of the cafe with me following close behind. He pulled the helmet off of the handlebar and handed it to me. Happy got on the bike, I put the helmet on and climbed on behind him, wrapping my arms around him, feeling slightly guilty about it. Happy started the bike and we rode off back to the clubhouse.

We parked in the lot and I climbed off the bike, taking off the helmet and handing it to Happy.

"Thanks for the ride" I said

"Sure thing, kid" he said, adding the kid on the end just to annoy me

I shoved his shoulder and turned around. Lana was leaning in the doorway to the office, watching us with the same cold stare she had on last night. I walked up to her smiling, but her expression didn't soften. She moved out of the way to let me inside, then closed the door behind me. It felt like I was under attack, even though I had done nothing wrong.

"What did I do?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest

"You seem to be getting on well with the killer" she said

"Yeah, he's alright, why?" I asked confused

"An Old Lady can make or break a club. Your a good Old Lady Valerie, you care about Koz, look after him, are loyal to him" she said, emphasizing the word loyal

"Oh Jesus" I groaned "You think there's something between me and Happy, I barely even know him" I said

"I know, I trust you. I don't trust Happy. He hasn't met a piece of ass that doesn't want him, if Kozik even suspects anything it could tear you apart" she said

"Lana, I love Kozik, I would never, ever do that to him" I said honestly

"I believe you, come on let's get your pregnant ass home girl" she said putting an arm around my shoulder

Lana had dropped me off at home, I was now on my way to my Aunts house. I pulled into the driveway of their lavish house. I knocked on the door, not knowing exactly what I was going to say. The door opened and my Aunt stood there. She looked mostly the same as she had the last time I saw her. Her auburn hair was straight and went down to her shoulders, her icy grey eyes were still as cold as ever. Her skin was pale and beginning to slightly wrinkle, the only indicator of her age.

"Aunt Lucinda, it's good to see you" I said

My Aunt stared at me for a few seconds before realizing who I was "Valerie, well haven't you grown up" she said looking me up and down, her smile faltering when she saw my belly

"I came to give my condolences about Uncle Johnny" I said

"Of course, come in" she said

I followed her inside, walking into the living room. Lucinda sat down in a large chair and I sat down on the couch.

"I heard about you father, I'm truly sorry" she said

"Thank you" I said nodding

"It's a shame that he died before him and Johnny could patch things up" she said

"Yes, though I suppose they are patching things up wherever they are" I said, a fake smile plastered on my face

"I suppose they are" she said smiling at me, but her eyes held the familiar icy glare that said she didn't trust me

"Do they know who killed Uncle Johnny?" I asked

"No, the police are looking into it" she said looking downcast, as awful as she could be she really did love Johnny

"You know I'm here for you, and the baby, it's what Johnny would have wanted" she said

"Thank you, that is very kind of you" I said

My phone buzzed, I picked it up to read the text message.

'_Where are you?' _

It was from Kozik, I had forgotten that he was coming home soon, he must be so worried.

'_Coming home now'_

I texted back to him. I looked back up at Lucinda who was watching me.

"I'm sorry but I have to go" I said getting up

"Come by again, I hope we can mend the rift in our family" she said smiling

I smiled back at her and walked out if the house. I got in my car and started driving home.

**SOASOASOA**

When I got home Kozik was waiting out the front for me. When I got out of the car he walked up to me, almost running. He pulled me against him, kissing my head.

"What's wrong?" I asked confused

"Nothing just worried about you that's all" he said

He ushered me inside, looking around outside before closing the door and locking it.

"Okay, there's something wrong" I said

"Nothing to worry about, I promise" he said,

"We're not in danger" I said running a hand over my belly

Kozik stared down at my belly smiling "No of course not" he said kissing my forehead

I could tell he wasn't being completely honest with me but I trusted Kozik. He sat down at the kitchen counter, two boxes of Chinese takeout in front of him. I sat down beside him and pulled my box towards me.

"I wanted to surprise you" he said

I smiled, grabbing Kozik's hand and squeezing it.

"So where were you?" He asked

"You know on the news, the local business man found dead" I said, Kozik tensed up but nodded

"Well, that was my uncle, my father's brother, I was visiting his wife, my Aunt" I said

"Oh, okay then" he said and continued eating

Something was going on, and it had something to do with my Uncle's murder. But I just tried to forget about it for now and enjoy eating dinner with Kozik.


	10. Chapter 10- Family Feud

**Chapter 10- Family Feud**

_Fine china stacked by the kitchen sink_

_Aunt Tammy's in there claiming all the diamond rings_

_Uncle Bobby's holding up the TV set_

_The only thing they're grieving over is what they ain't gonna get_

_She's only been in the ground a day or two_

_I'm glad momma ain't around to watch this family feud_

_Family Feud by Pistol Annies_

_**November 6th 2004**_

It was my day off and I had decided to visit Lucinda today, try to pry more information about my Uncle's suspicious death. I was sitting on the same lounge as yesterday, except now I had a glass of lemonade in my hand.

"It's lovely to see you again, Valerie" she said

"Yes, it's good to see you too" I said

"Thank you for coming to help me pack up Jonathan's stuff, Marissa couldn't get away from work" she said

Marissa Anderson was the only child they had, and was rather spoilt. She had gotten some big job in New York and moved there three years ago, never coming home again for visits, not even at Christmas. She was engaged to some big hotshot lawyer, he probably wouldn't be impressed with her fathers criminal activities.

"Is she coming to the funeral?" I asked

"No, she has a lunch with Roger's parents, can't make it" she said looking away in shame

"Thats too bad" I said

"Oh well, at least you'll be there" she said brightly forgetting about her horrible daughter "That reminds me, in Jonathan's will he left you the lake house, a quarter of his money, and I was supposed to give you a letter" she said

"Wow, I didn't expect anything" I said surprised

"Well his only living relatives are you, me and Marissa. He did always hope to make up with your father, never got the chance" she explained

"Okay, makes sense" I said

"Here I'll get the letter for you" she said getting up and walking away

I was left sitting there in silence, wondering what was in the letter, hoping that it would shed some light on this situation. Lucinda returned and handed me the letter.

"I have to go home now, it was good to see you" I said getting up, letter in my hand

"It was, see you at the funeral tommorow" she said hugging me before I left

As soon as I got home I dropped my bag on the counter and ripped open the letter, sitting at the table to read it.

_Dear Valerie_

_If you are reading this, then I must be dead. I hope that Lucinda has given you this letter without reading it, I always said her curiosity would kill her. On that note, keep this letter hidden, away from prying eyes. I have been keeping tabs on you since my brother cut off contact with me, and my only regret was that I was not there for you when you needed your family. Unfortunately my estrangement from my brother was your mothers doing, afraid my business deals would hurt her family, strange considering who she hung around with. I know that you are involved with a son, I know that a son helped raise you, but you must be cautious. Trust few people. Lucinda is one of the few you can trust, she will keep you safe. I assume you have become suspicious about my death, be smart about it. Do not ask questions just yet, not until you are ready for the answers. To be blunt, the Sons Of Anarchy had something to do with my death. Keep your friends close, trust few, and be smart._

_Uncle Johnny_

I dropped the letter on the table, holding my head in my hands, as I let the information sink in. My Old Man and father figure had both played a part in the death of my Uncle. I wanted to confront them with the letter, demand to know what was going on. But Uncle Johnny was right, I needed to be smart about this. I needed to know more of the facts before I started accusing anyone. Only burn the bridges I had to. I hoped that Kozik would tell me, but that would never happen. We hadn't agreed on full disclosure and he didn't talk about the club with me much.

I trusted my Uncle, but I wanted to know more. Like what had he done that was so bad he had to be killed? He told me I could trust Lucinda, looks like I'm going to be getting closer to my Aunt.

**SOASOASOA**

I was getting ready for my Uncle's funeral. I was wearing a black dress that went down to my knees, showing off my baby bump. Kozik was reluctant to let me go, we had fought all night about it. I said that I was going whether he like it or not and that it wasn't any of his business. He of course yelled back that I was his Old Lady, making it his business. He had actually forbid me to go, but that wouldn't stop me. He wouldn't tell me why I couldn't go so I told him to sleep on the couch for the night. He had left early in the morning, not bothering to try and stop me.

I drove to the cemetery, parking my car next to Lucinda's Mercedes. There were lots of people here, the little family he had he made up for with his friends.

"Valerie, thank you for coming" said Lucinda walking towards me

"Of course Aunt Lucinda" I said hugging her

I looked around at everybody here, my Uncle would be sorely missed. I turned my head when I saw a taxi stop in the parking lot. A woman stepped out, wearing black 5 inch louboutins, Chanel sunglasses, a long tight black dress and a scowl on her face.

"Marissa" said Lucinda walking towards the woman with me following

So this was my lovely cousin, she actually came to her own fathers funeral.

"Hello mother" she said

"Marissa, I thought you couldn't make it" said Lucinda, hugging a reluctant Marissa

"Plans changed, my schedule opened up and I could come" she said

"Marissa, this is Valerie, your cousin" said Lucinda pointing to me

Marissa looked me up and down, scowling at me even more when she saw my baby bump.

"Hello Valerie, almost forgot I had a cousin, haven't seen you since you were little" she said stepping forward

If she was trying to intimidate me then she was sorely failing, I wouldn't back down so easily, especially not to the prissy bitch.

"It's good to see you Marissa, it has been to long" I said a fake smile plastered on my face

She nodded and walked past me. I followed her and Lucinda into the cemetery, taking our seats for the funeral.

The funeral was lovely, so many people have speeches about how great a man he was. It made me think back to my own fathers funeral. The only people there was me, Kozik, Lee and Lana; and they were only there to support me. It seemed out of the brothers Johnny was the better one.

We went back to Lucinda's house for the wake. Everyone was drinking champagne, making toasts to Uncle Johnny, celebrating his life. Marissa stood in the corner drinking glasses of champagne, a scowl never leaving her face. She really didn't want to be here. I walked over to her, hoping to have some sort of civil conversation with her.

"I'm sorry about your dad" I said

"It's okay, we haven't spoken in three years, won't be much different now he's gone" she said with such indifference it was almost scary seeing how little she cared about her own father

I mean my father was alcoholic who occasionally hit me, but I still mourned his death, cried for days, didnt have to be forced to go to his funeral.

"Want some?" She asked offering me her champagne

"No sorry, can't" I said patting my stomach

"Right" she scoffed

We stood in silence until she finally spoke.

"How old are you anyway?" She asked

"I'm eighteen" I said, unsure where this was going

"Eighteen, isn't that a little young to be having a kid?" she asked

"I suppose" I said but she cut me off

"Though from what I heard your mother was a biker whore, makes sense you are too" she said

"I think you've had a little too much to drink" I said, trying to ignore the anger bubbling up inside of me

"Of course with your drunk daddy it makes even more sense, probably abused you. Screwed you up so now your pregnant and alone, probably going to end up as a stripper, or at least something along those lines" she said

"Don't you dare talk about my parents" I growled stepping close to her "I am not a biker whore, I am not alone, and I will never be a stripper" I spat

Marissa just stood there blinking at me, obviously not expecting me to say anything back to her.

"Now I suggest you get off your high horse and at least pretend you sad that your father's dead" I said straightening out my dress "And also wipe that scowl off your face, the wind might change and you'll be stuck with it" I said before walking away, leaving a stunned Marissa who was watching me shocked

"I think I'm going to go home now" I said to Lucinda

"Ok, honey, I hope Marissa didn't say anything awful to you" she said, a guilty expression on her face

"Nothing I can't handle" I assured her "Goodbye" I said


	11. Chapter 11- May Queen

**Chapter 11- May Queen**

_They said she's as lovely as the spring_

_Imagine my surprise_

_To find that they were right and hadn't said the half_

_The careless sunlight in her eyes, the petals in her hair_

_I saw how he could love her_

_The May Queen standing there_

_And in that moment I understood_

_How he could love her_

_And what they shared would never be for me_

_I understood but yet_

_I never really conquered the part that wished it was me_

_May Queen by Heather Dale_

_**November 12th 2004**_

I had just arrived at the clubhouse, it was a Friday night and there was a fight, Lana had insisted I come, even though Kozik wasn't fighting. I walked inside the garage where the fighting was taking place. It already smelt of sweat, something which I guessed would only worsen as the night went on. I walked up and greeting Lana, hugging her before looking around, searching for Kozik.

"Kozik isn't here, club business, he'll be back later" she said

"Oh" I said

I turned around to watch the fight that was just starting. It was Happy against Bull. They had both taken of their tops, exposing their toned chests. My eyes travelled over Happy's chest, looking at the tattoos covering his skin, wondering what they'd look like up close. I was snapped from my thoughts when Happy threw a punch at Bull. The hits continued, mostly from Happy but Bull got a few good ones. After Bull had suffered enough of a beating from Happy Lee stepped in to break up the fight. Happy and Bull then hugged, signaling that the figh was over. Everyone began swapping money, some were groaning about the outcome while others were happy. Lana had walked off to find Lee, leaving me standing there by myself.

Happy took a towel from one of the crow eaters, wiping the blood and sweat off of his face. Our eyes connected and we stared at each other. He threw the towel at a crow eater and sauntered over, smirking at me as he walked past.

I followed him out of the garage and into the clubhouse, there were few people here as most were at the fight so no one really noticed my presence. I walked into his dorm, leaning on the door frame.

"Congratulations" I said

"Thanks" he muttered looking up at me from where he was sitting on the bed

As soon as he looked up I noticed the gash on his cheek, Bull did have a decent punch. I walked over to him, holding his face in my hands, inspecting it for any further damage.

"I'm fine kid" he said getting up

I scowled at him, which only enticed another smirk from him. My eyes travelled down from his face to his chest, looking at the tattoos. Without realizing what I was doing I raised my hand and ran my fingers softly over them. My hands trailed down, tracing the tattoos, when I reached the smiley faces he grabbed my hands and pulled them away.

"What do they mean?" I asked, ignoring the tight grip he had on my hands

"Each time I killed for the club" he said never taking his eyes of me

I looked back down at the six smiley face tattoos, six kills, I wondered if my Uncle was one. I wanted to touch them again but Happy had to strong of a hold on my hands. I looked up at him. He hadn't stopped staring at me with such an intense and lust filled gaze, it was unnerving.

"Stop it" I blurted out

"Stop what" he asked gruffly

"Stop staring at me like you want to rip off my clothes and take me right here" I said laughing at how ridiculous that probably sounded

"What if I want to" He said seriously

I instantly stopped laughing and just stared up at him in shock, he must be joking, there was no way he was serious.

"Are you joking?" I asked, hoping that he was

"No" he said

I smile crept onto my face, shocking him as much as it shocked me

"You have a bunch of half naked girls who through themselves at you out there, and yet you want to be with your brothers pregnant Old Lady" I said

"If you weren't pregnant, or an Old Lady" he said

I stood there for a few seconds, unable to say anything. I would open my mouth but no words could come out.

"I better go, Lana will be looking for me" I said backing away from Happy

I looked at Happy one last time before leaving the dorm, almost running outside and to my car.

"Valerie" called out Lana

I turned around and walked towards Lana. I had hoped that I could leave without her noticing.

"Are you leaving already?" She asked

"Yeah, I'm tired, go home and sleep. Tell Kozik that I went home" I lied

"Okay I will, see you later" she said not at all convinced

I walked away, getting in my car and driving back home, trying to get the feel if Happy's skin underneath my hand and the words he had said out of my head, but I couldn't seem to forget what had just happened.

**Lana's POV**

After watching Valerie drive away I stormed back inside. I had only followed her because I saw her leave Happy's dorm and wanted to know what had upset her. I pushed the door of Happy's room open, not bothering to knock.

"Lana, how are you?" He asked but I ignored his question

"You need to back off" I said

"Excuse me" he said

"You need to leave Valerie alone" I said

"Why?" He asked

"Because you can't have her" I said crossing my arms

"I don't want her" he said obviously lying as he wouldn't look at me

"Oh really, cause when I saw her she looked confused as hell and as if someone just dropped a giant bombshell on her. So please tell me you didn't tell her what I think you did" I said begging for my suspicions to be wrong

"I ain't gonna touch the kid" he said

"Good, cause nothing good is going to come of you having a hard on for a pregnant Old Lady. There's plenty of free pussy around here, I'm sure you'll forget about it soon" I said

"Yeah, probably" he mumbled

I looked at him with pity, looks like Valerie had another man wrapped around her finger without even realizing it. She was like her mother in that way, men were attracted to her like a moth to a flame, neither could help it. I only hoped it wouldn't get her in trouble. The problem with being a May Queen.

**Valerie's POV**

I was getting ready to go to my doctors appointment. I was excited because the Mrs Collins said that if the baby was in a good position we would be able to find out the gender. Kozik was convinced it was a boy, Lana thought it was as well. I was trying to forget what Happy had said to me, I had been avoiding going to the clubhouse so I wouldn't run into him.

"You ready to go?" Asked Kozik from the doorway

"Yeah, lets go" I said grabbing his hand and we walked outside

I was laying down on the bed, the Mrs Collins looking up at the screen displaying the picture of our baby.

"Do you want to know the gender?" He asked

"Yes" I said eagerly

"It looks like your having a baby boy" he said

Kozik squeezed my hand smiling down at me, happy that he was having a son.

"Told you I was right" he said kissing the top of my head

"I'll check again at your next scan to make sure" said Mrs Collins

"Thank you Mrs Collins" I said getting up off of the bed

"Of course Valerie, Sam is so happy that your back and are being her bridesmaid" she said

"So I am, I can't wait" I said

"You'll be the best looking bridesmaid" Kozik whispered in my ear while we were walking out

I playfully hit him, laughing along with him. He pulled me to him, kissing me gently before opening the car door for me. I was so happy that any worries about Happy had vanished from my mind, left only by thoughts of Kozik and our baby growing inside of me.

**Vote on the poll as to who should play Valerie, you can find this on my profile.**


	12. Chapter 12- I'd Lie For You

**I just wanted to thank HermioneandMarcus who has been a constant supporting of this story and my others. Reviews are greatly appreciated.**

**Chapter 12- I'd Lie For You**

_I'd lie for you and that's the truth_

_Do anything you ask me to_

_I'd even sell my soul for you_

_I'd do it all for you_

_If you'd just believe in me_

_I'd lie for you and that's the truth_

_Move mountains if you want me to_

_I'd walk on the wire for you_

_If you'd just believe in me_

_I'd lie for you by Meat Loaf_

_**November 15th 2004**_

It had been a week since my Uncle's funeral and I still hadn't asked Kozik about his death. Lucinda had warned me not to say anything, told me to forget about it but I just couldn't. I needed to know if the man that helper raise me and the man I was in love with had killed a member of my family.

It was around lunch time when I heard a knock at my door, I opened the door. The man standing on the other side was tall, probably in his mid-forties, with sleek brown hair.

"I'm looking for Valerie Anderson" he said

"Thats me" I said

"My name is Charles O'Connor, I was a business associate of your Uncles" he said

"Okay, what do you need me for?" I asked my hand gripping the door

"I was a close friend of your Uncle's, I'm here to discuss the Sons Of Anarchy with you" he said

"Come in" I said moving out of the way for him to walk in

I probably shouldn't have let him in my house, should have shut the door in his face, but my curiosity got the better of me. I would deal with the fallout later.

I showed him to the kitchen, he sat down at the table while I poured him some coffee.

"So, what do you need to discuss?" I asked sitting down across from him

"Jonathan left you a quarter in his will, as you probably know some of it is drug money" he said

"Yes, what does that have to do with anything?" I asked

"It has everything to do with it" he said continuing before I could say anything "Do you know why your mother stopped contact between your father and Uncle?" He asked

"She thought that his deals were dangerous and that it could hurt us" I said

"Do you believe it?" He asked

"A bunch of recycled garbage my mother told my father to convince him, not that she needed to say much, he loved her enough to do anything" I said bitterly

"Well, as I guess you know, that was a bunch of lies. Jonathan was having some dealings with the drug cartel, the Sons Of Anarchy didn't like this so Amanda made Jacob cut off contact with his brother" he said

"That much I have figured out" I said

"Jonathan was a threat to their business, so they had him killed" he said

"But why?" I asked, needing further clarification

"He was going to cut off a major earning from them, they would lose money, business is business" he said as if it was nothing

"And war is war, and death is death" I said quietly

"Life is life" he said obviously hearing what I had said

"I will leave you with this information, you can decide what your next move is" he said getting up and walking to the door

"Do you want my advice?" He asked and I nodded

"You remind of your Uncle and mother, your have your Uncle's air of authority, ability to lead" he said

"And my mother?" I asked

"You have her ability to wrap men around her fingers and manipulate them as you please" he said

"Not you too" I said in disbelief, how many men had my mother sunk her hooks into

"Your mother was always good at getting what she wanted" he said nostalgic, as if recalling some long lost memories of happier times

"And what do you suggest I do with these abilities?" I asked sharply

"They are God-given talents, use them as you see fit" he said

"What, tear down Sons Of Anarchy?" I asked, not being serious "I can't do that, I don't want to do that" I said

"Then don't, do or do not, there is no try" he said walking out the door, leaving me to figure out what I was going to do.

**SOASOASOA**

I stormed into the clubhouse, letter in hand and mad as hell. I pushed open the doors, knowing full well that they were having Church.

"Val, what are you doing here?" Asked Kozik getting up from his seat

"Jonathan Anderson" I said slamming the letter down on the table

Lee signaled for the others to leave, Happy sharing one look with me before walking out. I was left standing there with Kozik and Lee, my eyes darting between them.

"Well, what do you have to say for yourselves" I said

"What do you want us to say Val?" Asked Kozik

"I want you to say that you didn't kill him, but you can't do that can you" I yelled

"We had no choice Val, I promise you I had no idea he was your Uncle" pleaded Kozik

"You may not have, but your President knew" I yelled

Judging by the both shocked and horrified look on Kozik's face he had no idea that Led had known that Jonathan was my Uncle.

"Oh, didn't he tell you, didn't he tell you that he told my mother to cut off contact with her brother-in-law, I guess he also didn't tell you about the hard on he had for my mother either" I screamed, all the while Lee was just sitting there calmly

"Lee, what did you do?" Asked Kozik

"I protected this club and I protected her and her family. He was dangerous and could have gotten them killed" he said pointing a finger at me

"God dammit Lee, was he any more dangerous to us than you were, same business, I could get killed because of you just as easily" I snapped

"Well it got him killed in the end" he yelled

"Yeah by you" I screamed back

Kozik just stood between us, not knowing whether to side with his Old Lady or President, which loyalty was stronger. I stormed off, not wanting to be around Lee or Kozik for any longer.

As I got to my car I heard Kozik come up behind me, I knew he wouldn't just let me leave.

"Val, I promise you I had no idea that he was your Uncle" he said begging for my forgiveness, but I don't forgive so easily

"But you knew, I told you and you didn't say anything to me. Hell you didn't even want me to go to his funeral, afraid that I would find out" I yelled

"I was trying to protect you from the truth, I love you Val" he pleaded

"I just need some space, stay at the clubhouse for awhile" I said

"Okay" he said admitting defeat and walking away

My eyes locked with Lana's watchful gaze, she had no doubt been aware of what had happened, making her just as guilty. I got in the car, slamming the door shut, and started driving home.

I had only been home for a few minutes when I heard a knock door. Assuming it was Kozik I swung the door open.

"What?" I snarled

"Sorry, kid" said Happy's raspy voice

"Sorry, thought you were Kozik, what are you doing here?" I asked slightly guilty but still annoyed at his presence

"I have to come keep you safe, Lee's orders" he said, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation

"Sure Happy, come right on in" I said in annoyance, more to myself than Happy

"You shouldn't talk to yourself, people might think your crazy" he said smirking at my anger

"I'm the craziest bitch you'll ever meet" I said sarcasticly

"I doubt that, some crow eaters are missing a few brain cells" he said not getting my sarcasm

"I was being sarcastic" I said "And if course there missing a few brain cells, the only thing they're good at is sucking dick" I said angrily

"I'm guessing your not a fan" he said

"Oh really" I said, even more sarcasm in my voice

Happy picked up on my sarcasm that time, taking a few steps back, most would have guessed it was out of fear, but I knew better. I had heard the rumors about the Tacoma killer, he was dangerous, and perfectly capable of killing a 5'6, 130 pound pregnant eighteen year-old. He had just never been around an angry pregnant women.

"How long will you be here?" I asked

"Tonight, maybe tommorow, have to check with Lee" he said shrugging his shoulders

"You can take the bed in the spare bedroom, more comfortable than the couch" I said

"Thanks" he mumbled

"You alright with ordering pizza, don't feel like cooking?" I asked

"Sure" he said

"You don't say much" I said without thinking

"And you say a lot" he retorted

"Good one, Hap" I said, repeating what he had said to me when we had met

We were sitting on the lounge eating our pizza, watching the television. Happy was constantly looking over at me, his watchful gaze would follow me.

"What happened with Lee and Kozik?" He asked gruffly

"Jonathan Anderson" I said

"The guy trying to steal our business, the one we offed" he said taking a sip of his beer

"Yeah, he was my Uncle" I said bitterly

"Shit, I'm sorry, didn't know" he mumbled

"No one did, except Lee" I said tossing my plate aside, no longer feeling hungry

"And Kozik, what did he do?" he asked

"I told him he was my Uncle but he didn't say anything, lied to my face" I said tears forming in my eyes

"Are you going to tell me how I should forgive him?" I asked

"Not my business" he said roughly

"Thank you" I whispered

Soon I had fallen asleep against Happy, cuddled into his side.

**Happy's POV**

Valerie was lying against me sleeping, my hand resting on her arm. I felt so guilty because this felt so good, having her with me. But I had to remember that she wasn't a crow eater, she was my brother's Old Lady, my brother's pregnant Old Lady. And with that thought I carried her to her bedroom, laid her down on her bed and left before I could get the chance to give into temptation.


	13. Chapter 13- The Sins Of The Fathers

**Chapter 13- The Sins Of The Fathers**

_The sins of the fathers_

_Are visited from old_

_In a never ending circle_

_Of people bought & sold_

_So the wretched of the earth_

_Will huddle from the cold_

_As the ship of fools goes sailing_

_On an ocean black as gold_

_So come & sit beside me_

_And let my tale unfold_

_Of a land of milk & honey_

_Where the truth must not be told_

_As men of rhyme & reason_

_Let the devil take their soul_

_For greed & fame & fortune_

_And a river black as gold_

_The Sins Of The Fathers by Ub40_

_**November 16th 2004**_

I slowly opened my eyes, sunlight blinding me, coming through the window that I had forgotten to pull the shade down. I slowly got out of bed, changing from yesterday's clothes into new ones. I walked out into the kitchen, getting the juice from the fridge and a glass from the cupboard. I poured the juice and sat down at the table. I heard a snore coming from the couch, I walked over to see Happy asleep, he hadn't slept in the spare room, what an idiot.

I started cooking bacon and eggs, setting out two plates and cutlery. The food was ready and I was about to get Happy up, I turned around to see him sitting at the table already.

"You are really quiet when you walk" I said

Happy just chuckled and I served out the food, sitting down and starting to eat. We sat in silence; I was watching Happy, trying to figure him out.

"Why'd you sleep on the couch?" I asked

"Fell asleep before I could move" he said cracking his neck

"Not very comfortable, is it?" I asked

"No, not really" he said

"That's why it's good to be a girl, you see if I get into a fight with Kozik he sleeps on the couch" I said laughing

"And you get the bed to yourself" he said smiling

"Yeah, one of the bad things" I said

"Why's it a bad thing?" he asked

"Don't you enjoy sharing a bed with someone?" I asked

"With who, I kick all the crow eaters out afterwards, haven't shared a bed with anyone" he said

"Shame, it's actually enjoyable" I said picking up my plate and putting it in the dishwasher

Happy got up behind me, I was expecting him to hand me his plate but instead he put it in the dishwasher himself. I watched him shocked; my mouth would have hit the ground if it could have.

"What?" he asked

"Just surprised, you clean up after yourself, not many men that do" I said still shocked

"My mum made me clean up after myself, habit" he said

"Good mum" I said walking over to the couch and sitting down

I leant back into the cushion, turning the television on and rubbing my hand over my belly. I started feeling little flutters in my lower abdomen.

"Are you okay?" asked Happy sitting down next to me

"Yeah, it's just, I think" I mumbled feeling another flutter

"The baby?" he asked

"Yeah, I think it's kicking, or at least trying to" I said running my hand over my belly again

"Here, feel it" I said grabbing his hand and putting it on my stomach

I watched his face light up when he felt the small kicks, my hand resting on top of his. I felt guilty that I was sharing this moment with Happy and not Kozik, making me move my hand away from Happy's and turn back to the television. Happy moved his hand away from my stomach slowly, never taking his eyes off of my face.

I heard a knock at the door and got up to answer it but Happy pushed me back behind him and shook his head. He drew his gun and slowly opened the door, ready to shoot if necessary. Seeing who it was Happy opened the door fully, letting them inside. I walked forward, stopping in my tracks when I saw Kozik standing there. I looked to Happy and nodded, telling him that he could leave now that Kozik was here. Happy turned around and walked out the door.

We stood there for a while, just staring at each other, not saying anything. I took a few steps forward, trying to encourage him to say something.

"Valerie, I promise you, I never meant to hurt you, I was trying to protect you" he said

"I know" I said quietly

"Do you forgive me?" he asked

"Just promise me, that we have full disclosure, no more hiding things from me, I need to know everything" I said

"I promise, everything" he said walking closer "So, do you forgive me?" he asked again

"Of course I do idiot" I said and he pulled me into a kiss

"I love you" he said

"I know" I said smiling

Kozik picked me up bridal style and carried me to the bedroom, throwing me down on the bed and climbing on top of me.

**SOAOSOASOA**

My head was resting on Kozik's chest, listening to his slow breathing while he slept peacefully. I was happy that he was back but a part of me thought that I forgave him to quickly. Of course that part was silenced as soon as we had come into the bedroom. The doubts only returned now because of the silence, I hated silence; it left you alone with your thoughts. I knew that Kozik really hadn't done anything wrong, he was just protecting me, being my Old Man. The one I was really angry at was Lee. He had lied to me and I didn't know why. It wasn't to protect me. Though I had no doubt that Lee cared about me, all the shit with my mother and father and Uncle was not done to protect me. I just had to dig a little deeper, find out more. And it seemed the only people that could give me answer were either dead or unwilling. Looks like I'll be paying my Aunt Sarah a visit.

Kozik had left for the clubhouse later that day; he had told me to stay at the house so I had to call Sarah to come here. I was sitting at the table, drumming my nails on the wood, when I heard a knock at my door. I slowly opened the door, making sure that it was Sarah only. I smiled at her and let her inside, closing the door behind her and locking it.

"A little bit anxious about intruders are we" she joked seeing all the locks on my door

"You can never be to careful" I said sitting down

"Especially with the company you keep" she said sitting across from me

"What do you mean?" I said defensively

"I heard about your Uncle on the news, very sad" she said not sounding one bit sad "Do the police have any leads?" she asked

"No, not that I know of" I said suspiciously

"So, why did you want to see me?" she asked

"My mother" I said

"What about her?" she asked tensing up

"I just want to know about her, don't remember much, and what I do remember seems to be contradicted my new information" I said clasping my hands together on top of the table

"What do you want to know?" she asked

"First of all, what was she like?" I asked

"She was kind, gentle, loving" she said looking down at her hands

"From what I've heard recently she was a real manipulative bitch if you ask me" I said causing Sarah to look up at me

"You shouldn't talk about your mother like that" she said angrily

"What, disrespecting her memory" I said sarcastically "Because the person I thought my mother was doesn't seem to be the truth" I said loudly "Now tell me the truth" I said

"She was always looking for trouble, when we were younger, the irresponsible child. That's how she got messed up with Lee, met him at some party once. Suddenly they were in love, going to run off and get married but our parents wouldn't have it, told her to stop seeing him" she said

"Did she?" I asked

"Would you?" she asked

"No I suppose not" I said leaning back "Then how did she end up with my dad?" I asked

"With your mother, no one could ever be sure who's you were exactly, even Jacob had his doubts but he loved her too much to ever question her" she said

"And, what do you mean?" I asked leaning forward

"You're an Anderson, that's for dam sure, but not Jacob's daughter" she said

I leant back in my chair, letting the information sink in. Jacob Anderson, the man that had raised me, was not my father.

"Jonathan, but he was with Lucinda, they had Marissa already, he wouldn't, not with my mother" I said in disbelief

"Your mother attracted every man to her, like a bitch on heat she was. Every man wanted her, no matter who had her" she said

"Did she know?" I asked

"She had a suspicion, thought you were Jacob's but. When you were 8 Jonathan figured it out to, he approached her about it and she panicked. Lee told her to convince Jacob to cut him off" she said

"So Lee knew, he knew the whole time" I said tears forming in my eyes

I stood up and stepped away from the table. I thought Lee had killed my Uncle, but he had killed my father, knowingly killed my father. I picked up the vase from the table and threw it across the room, it hit the wall and shattered, but I didn't care, I was furious.

"Valerie, you need to calm done" said Sarah getting up from the table

"Calm done, how the Hell am I supposed to calm done" I screamed

"Valerie, this can't be good for the baby, just sit down and relax" she said guiding me to the couch

"How could he?" I whispered sitting down on the couch

"Valerie, I have to go, I'm calling your Old Man okay" she said

I just nodded and she walked off to call Kozik. I just sat there trying to process everything, I could vaguely hear Sarah on the phone but I didn't focus on what she was saying. I couldn't focus on anything other than what Lee had done. He had murdered my father, and he would have to pay for it.


	14. Chapter 14- God's Gonna Cut You Down

**Chapter 14- Gods Gonna Cut You Down**

_Go tell that long tongue liar_

_Go and tell that midnight rider_

_Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter_

_Tell them that God's gonna cut them down_

_Tell them that God's gonna cut them down_

_You can run on for a long time_

_Run on for a long time_

_Run on for a long time_

_But sooner or later God'll cut you down_

_Sooner or later God'll cut you down_

_Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand_

_Working in the dark against your fellow man_

_But as sure as God made black and white_

_What's done in the dark will be brought to the light_

_God's gonna cut you down by Johnny Cash_

_**November 17th 2004**_

I was sitting on the couch lost in my own thoughts, not hearing the door open, not noticing Kozik sit down next to me. He lifted his hand to my cheek, turning me to face him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked

"Jonathan wasn't my Uncle, he was my father, and Lee knew" I said breaking down into tears

I leaned my head into Kozik's chest, his arms were wrapped around me and he was whispering to me but I wasn't listening. I was just letting myself fall apart in his arms.

"What do you want to do?" He asked

I leant back from him, wiping the tears from my cheek and staring at Kozik. I loved him so much, but he was loyal to Lee, and I wouldn't make him choose.

"I need to talk to Lee" I said, my voice shaking

"Okay, I'll take you to him" he said gently

"Hey, I love you" he said kissing my forehead

He helped me to my feet and we walked outside. I pulled him to my car and we got inside. We started heading towards the clubhouse, and hopefully get some answers.

When we arrived I almost ran inside, Kozik had to hold on to my arm to stop me. He shook his head at me and walked inside first, with me following close behind. When Lee saw us he nudged his head towards the church room and walked inside. We followed him, I was clutching at Kozik's arm nervously.

"I thought we sorted this out" said Lee

"Look man, your like a brother to me, I trust you, I would take a bullet for you. But that's my Old Lady. Just give her a minute" said Kozik

"Sure thing brother" said Lee turning to me

"You knew that Jonathan Anderson was my father didn't you?" I asked

"Yes, your mother told me" he said looking down at the table

"So why did you kill him?" I asked

"Kozik, can you give us a minute please?" Asked Lee

Kozik turned to me, looking me in the eye "Are you okay?" He asked

"Yeah of course" I said

Kozik kissed my forehead "I'll be right out there if you need me" he said walking away

"Good guy you got there" he said

"Don't change the subject, why did you kill Jonathan Anderson?" I asked again

"What I told you was the truth, I was protecting you" he said he sighed before continuing "I didn't tell the others this, but he had turned rat, his boss got us to kill him"

"But why you?" I asked confused about why he had killed him

"He was ratting on us, we were going to do time" he said

"He wouldn't, he knew how much you meant to me" I said my voice faltering

"He wanted us out of the picture so that he could get to you, we were going to do hard time, all of us, me, Kozik, Bowie, Happy, Danny. I had to protect you, my family and this club" he said

"How is killing my father protecting me?" I asked tears in my eyes

"He was going to put your Old Man in jail for a very long time. Kozik wouldn't get out until the kid was in its teens at least" he said angrily

"Boy" I whispered

"What?" he asked

"It's a boy, the baby" I said wiping away the tears

"Congratulations, bet Kozik's happy" he said smiling

"Yeah, he is, we both are" I said

"Look, I know that you probably won't ever forgive me, and I respect that, just know that I'll always be here if you need me" He said getting up

I just nodded and Lee walked past me and out of the room. Kozik walked back in and pulled me into a hug. I leaned my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I love you, so much" I said into his chest

"I sure hope you do, because your stuck with me now, I'm never letting you go" he said smiling

"Good" I said

I grabbed his cut in my hands and pulled him into a kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands were running through his hair. His hands moved to my waist, then down to my bum. He lifted my up and set me on the table. He moved away from my lips and started kissing my jaw, then down my neck, his hands were on my waist, and then suddenly underneath my shirt, runnings his hands on my waist. I pushed him away when I realized what he was doing.

"Kozik" I said moving his hands away

"What?" He asked smiling

"Your brothers are in the next room" I said

"So, it's nothing they haven't heard before" he said putting his hands back on my waist

"Not from you hopefully" I said

"Of course not" he said

"Oh, I bet" I said smiling "On a table though, I'm 16 weeks pregnant, not going to happen anytime soon" I said

Kozik sighed and moved away from me disappointed.

"Come on, lets go home" I said grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the clubhouse.

**SOASOASOA**

**_ November 27th 2004_**

I was cutting up the vegetables in the kitchen when I felt arms wrap around me, I instinctively leaned back into him.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He whispered kissing my neck

"Cutting up the vegetables for tonight" I said

"Right Thanksgiving dinner at Lee and Lana's, are you going to be okay?" He asked

"I'll be fine, I promise" I said turning around in his arms

I traced my fingers over his SOA tattoo on his chest. His hands were rubbing my arms soothingly. One hand moved to my chin, pulling my face up and making me look at him. He kissed me slowly, moving his hand to the side of my face.

I pulled away and said "I really have to finish chopping up the vegetables"

Kozik groaned and let go of me. I turned around and started cutting up the rest of the vegetables. Kozik started pressing kisses down my neck, from my ear to my shoulder.

"I'm going to chop off a finger if you keep distracting me" I said chuckling

"Wouldn't want that now would we" he said into my neck

I finished cutting and put the knife down, thankfully because Kozik nipped my neck, making me jump. I turned around and whacked his chest.

"Now imagine if you had done that while I was cutting" I said trying my best to fake being angry but a smile was creeping on my face

"I'd still love you if you lost a finger" he said kissing me

"It's a damn good thing your handsome, otherwise I don't know how I'd out up with you" I joked

"Am I just handsome?" He asked quirking his eyebrows up and smirking

"No, your hot" I said inching closer

"Just hot?" He asked wrapping his arms around me

"Gorgeous" I said

"Just gorgeous?" He asked

"Sexy" I said

"So are you babe" he said

He cupped my face and kissed me passionately. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to our bedroom and laid me down on the bed, never breaking the kiss.

We lay in the bed together, I was pretending to be asleep while Kozik was holding me. I felt him move from underneath me, I kept my eyes closed to keep up the rude of me being asleep. I felt a hand on my belly.

"Hey baby, I don't know if you can hear me, god this is so stupid" said Kozik, rubbing his hand over my belly

"Well I'm your Old Man, I just wanted to say how much I love you and your mummy, and I'll always protect you" he said pressing a kiss to my stomach

Kozik moved back underneath me and it was as if he had never moved.

"I think I love you more for that" I said opening my eyes

"I thought you were asleep" he said

"And thought you were some big bad biker" I joked turning over to lean my head on his chest

"Not when it comes to our child" he said kissing me

I sighed in contentment, happy that everything was working out the way I wanted them to. Right now my life was perfect, and it could only get better.


	15. Chapter 15- What I Wouldn't Do

**Chapter 15- What I wouldn't do**

_If we were children I would bake you a mud pie_

_Warm and brown beneath the sun_

_Never learned to climb a tree but I would try_

_Just to show you what I've done_

_Oh what I wouldn't do_

_If I had you babe, if I had you_

_Oh what I wouldn't do_

_If I had you babe, if I had you_

_If I were old, my dearest you would be older_

_But I would crawl up on your lap_

_Wrap a blanket round our frail little shoulders_

_And I'd die happily like that_

_What I wouldn't do by A Fine Frenzy_

* * *

**_November 28th 2004_**

I walked up the driveway of Lee's house carrying a plate of food. Kozik walked up next to me and took the plate from me.

"You know I'm pregnant, not invalid, I can carry a plate of food" I said

"I know, I'm just taking care of you" he said

"And that's why I love you" I said wrapping my arms around his waist

When we reached the door I knocked, Lana opened it straight away and let us inside, taking the plate off of Kozik. We walked into the dining room where everybody was. Bowie walked up to us, hugging Kozik. A woman was standing behind him, she was around the same height as me with long straight dark brown hair and light brown eyes.

"This is my Old Lady, Ava" he said pulling her forward

"Ava this is Kozik and his Old Lady Valerie" said Bowie

I stuck out my hand, Ava took a few seconds before shaking it. She seemed to relax a bit when she saw that I wasn't threatening her in any way. Kozik nodded to her, kissed my cheek and him and Bowie walked off.

"How long have you been with Bowie?" I asked

"Only a month" she said nervously fiddling with her shirt

"Hey, don't be so nervous, your his Old Lady and that means something. Don't worry about me, the real problem is Lana" I said pointing over to Lana

"I've been avoiding her all night, didn't have enough guts to face her" she said letting out a strangled laugh

"Come on, she won't be so bad if I'm there" I said leading her over to Lana

"Lana, this is Ava, Bowie's Old Lady" I said

"Hello Lana, I'm Lee's Old Lady" she said shaking her hand

"Nice to meet you Lana" she said

"You can breath, I'm not going to do anything to you" she said

Ava let out a breath and Lana walked back into the kitchen, getting the final plate of food and putting it down on the table.

"I wouldn't relax just yet, you still have to get through tonight" I warned

I walked over to the table, sitting down next to Kozik. I grabbed his hand and held onto it, smiling at him.

"How are you liking Ava?" He asked

"She seems nice" I said

"How's Lana being with her?" He asked

"She's just waiting to grill her, I'm so glad I never went through that" I said

"So am I, Lana scares the shit out of me sometimes" he said looking over at Lana

"Aren't you glad you're not an Old Lady then" I said kissing him before starting to serve out my food

I looked around the room while I was eating, everyone was talking and laughing, enjoying each others company. This was my family and I loved them, despite all their shortcomings.

I was helping Lana and Ava clean everything up while the guys were having beers in the backyard.

"So Ava, how long have you been with Bowie?" Asked Lana, starting the interrogation

"Not long, a month" said Ava, leaning against the counter

"Are you serious?" She asked looking up from the plate she was drying

"Yeah, I guess we are" she said

"Are you ready to be an Old Lady?" She asked

"Yeah, sure, of course I am" she said unsure

"You know what being an Old Lady means?" She asked and Ava shook her head

"Being an Old Lady means that you look after your man, any way he asks. You do what he tells you. You don't ask about the club, he'll tell you what he wants to tell you" she said pointing a finger at Ava, Ava nodded her head and Lana continued

"When you become an Old Lady you get the respect, but you have to earn it. We need to know that your trustworthy, you'll have to prove yourself" she said

"It's okay" I whispered to Ava, putting my hand on her shoulder to try and reassure her

"And finally, being an Old Lady means that your completely monogamous to your man, but he isn't to you" she said earning a disapproving look from me and a horrified one from Ava

"Listen, what happens on a run stays on a run, but if it happens here then you are welcome to beat the shit out of the chick that was with him. So are you sure you're ready to be an Old Lady?" she said turning back to the dishes

I lead a shocked Ava out into the living room and sat down on the couch with her. Lana had not only given her the Old Lady speech to her, but to me also. I had grown up around the club but hadn't been around it much when I was actually able to understand all of this, so what she said had rocked me to the core.

"Hey, don't worry about Lana, she just wants to make sure that your ready for all of this" I said

"Has Kozik ever cheated on you?" She asked

"What Lana said in there, that doesn't apply to all of the guys. If Bowie loves you then it doesn't make a difference" I said

"Has he?" She asked again

"No, he never has" I said

Ava smiled at me and let out a relieved sigh. She got up and walked outside to find Bowie. I sat there thinking about what Lana had said. I didn't think that Kozik would ever cheat on me, but then again, I had never really set down the rules. I shook the thought from my head, no use worrying about something Lana had said to scare Ava. I got up and went outside, Kozik was sitting on a chair talking to Happy with a beer in his hand. I walked over to him, laying my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm going to head home, okay" I said

"Yeah sure, I'll come to" he said starting to get up

"No, you stay, I'll be fine" I said pushing him back down

"You sure?" He asked

"I'll follow her back" said Happy

"You don't have to" I said but he cut me off

"I've got to visit my mum anyway" he said getting up

"Thanks man" said Kozik

"See you at home, love you" I said kissing Kozik

I got up and walked back inside, grabbed my jacket and bag. I said goodbye to Ava and Lana before following Happy outside. I got in my car and started driving home, Happy following behind me.

When we got home I expected Happy to just leave but instead he followed me to the door. I opened the door and stepped inside before turning around.

"Do you want to come inside?" I asked

Happy didn't answer the question and just stared at me. I opened my mouth to say something but he grabbed my face and pulled me into a kiss. The kiss was passionate and I soon melted into it, kissing him back. When I realized what I was doing I pushed him away. I outstretched my hand and slapped him across the cheek. I turned around and slammed the door, sliding down onto the floor. I held my head in my hands, leaning on my knees. I can't believe he just did that. Why would he do that? I stood up and opened the door, wanting to ask him. He was on his bike and our eyes locked, he held the stare for a few seconds before starting the bike and driving away.

I walked back inside, locking the door behind me, and went into my bedroom. I sat down on my bed and replayed what had happened in my head. Happy had just kissed me, and for a moment a kissed him back, a moment of weakness. I just hoped to God that Happy didn't say anything to Kozik, though knowing him he wouldn't.

I had showered, changed into my pajamas and was laying curled up in bed. I heard the door open, felt the bed dip and arms wrap around me.

"Hey, have fun?" I asked

"Yeah, missed you there but" Kozik whispered into my ear

I turned over and laid my head down on his chest, his arms wrapped around me, holding me against him. My mind went back to what Lana had said, working up enough courage to talk to him about it.

"You know that cheating is a deal breaker with me, right?" I asked

"Yeah, of course" he said frowning "What brought this up?" He asked

"Something Lana said when she was telling Ava how to be a good Old Lady" I said smiling "You haven't, ever, been with anyone else?" I asked

"Why would I be with someone else when I have the best girl at home" he said kissing my head

I smiled at his reassurance and pushed down the guilt from kissing Happy, it didn't mean anything and Kozik would never know about it so it didn't matter.


	16. Chapter 16- Torn Between Two Lovers

**Chapter 16- Torn Between Two Lovers**

_Torn between two lovers_

_Feeling like a fool_

_Loving both of you_

_Is breaking all the rules_

_Torn between two lovers_

_Feeling like a fool_

_Loving both of you is breaking all the rules_

_Torn Between Two Lovers by Mary Macgregor_

* * *

**_5th December 2004_**

It had been a week since Thanksgiving, a week since that kiss with Happy, and I had been avoiding him like the plague. I hadn't been to the clubhouse or visited Kozik at work. Kozik wasn't suspecting anything, but Lana was, she had come around the house yesterday to check on me. I had brushed her off but she was still pushing me to tell her what was wrong. I knew that telling her was a bad idea, she had already told me to stay away from Happy, if she found out that we kissed she would string both of us up.

I was driving over to Sam's house to get ready for the wedding. When I arrived everyone was rushing around, frantically trying to get everything ready. I walked into Sam's room to see her standing there in her dress. It was a long white mermaid style boob tube.

"Oh, thank God your here" she said grabbing a dress and handing it to me

I walked into the bathroom to get ready. The dress was a purple knee length dress with straps, fitting loosely around my stomach. I put on some eyeliner and mascara, then walked back into Sam's bedroom.

"Are you ready?" She asked

"Yes, are you?" I asked

"So ready" she said

We walked out with everyone, getting in the cars and heading to the Church.

* * *

The ceremony was beautiful, short and sweet. You could really see how much they loved each other. Sam stood on the stage, facing away from us, ready to throw the bouquet. She threw it over her shoulder and everyone desperately tried to catch it. Suddenly I saw it fly towards me and I caught it. I started smiling when I realized what had happened. Maybe this means Kozik will propose soon.

I was sitting down at the table watching everyone dance. I was getting tired and was going to head home soon. Sam walked over and sat down next to me.

"Thanks for coming, it really means a lot" she said

"Of course"

"Nice catch with the bouquet" she said

"Yeah, nice throw" I replied laughing

"Does that mean your going to get married soon?" She asked

"You'd have to ask Kozik that" I said

"Do you want to get married?" She asked

"Yes, I love him and can't imagine being with anyone else" I said

"He'll come around to the idea, Ben had a lot of convincing from my mum" she said laughing

"I'll get Lana on to it" I said "I'm going to head home, I'm getting tired" I said picking up my purse and getting up

"Sure, I'll see you later" she said getting up

"Yeah, congratulations" I said hugging her

I walked to my car and got in, starting it and driving home.

I pulled into the driveway of my house, parking the car and getting out. I walked up to the porch and saw someone waiting for me.

"What are you doing here Happy?" I asked walking up to him

"I just want to talk, figured since Kozik was on a run" he said looking up from where he was sitting

"Come inside" I said

I opened the door and Happy followed me inside. I sat down at the table, Happy got a beer out if the fridge and sat down next to me.

"How was the wedding?" He asked

"It was good" I said "Happy, can you just get to the point, I'm tired and want to sleep" I said exasperated

"I'm sorry about what happened" he said bitterly, sounding like it was poison in his mouth

"Okay, is that it then, cause" I started but he cut me off with a kiss

I pushed him away before I could even respond.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked getting up "You say your sorry for kissing me, then kiss me again" I yelled

"I don't know, I see you and I just want to kiss you, it's your fault" he yelled

"It's my fault" I screamed "You know what Hap, I think you should just stay away, sort out yourself, don't drag md into your mess" I said annoyed

"Your right" he said before walking out the door, slamming it and riding away

I can't believe him, he just apologized for kissing me then kissed me again, where was the sense it that. And how was any if this my fault. I pushed him away, told him to leave. Not once have I ever said that I wanted him to kiss me. Because I didn't. But I have to admit, his lips did feel good on mine.

* * *

I woke up the next morning, my head still spinning from what Happy had said. He was confusing me, and that wasn't good. I turned over to see Kozik lying beside me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"When did you get back?" I asked

"Last night, didn't want to wake you" he said absent mindedly "So how was the wedding?" He asked pushing a strand of hair behind my ear

"Good, the ceremony was nice, the reception was good, I caught the bouquet" I said looking up at him for a reaction but there was none so I continued "I was tired so I left"

"That's good" he said getting up

"I have a day off, do you have to go in?" I asked moving to sit on the edge of the bed

"Nah, I can stay home with you for awhile, we sorted out business, I'll just go call to let them know" he said leaving the room

I got up and dressed, I would finally be able to spend some time with Kozik, maybe then I would feel less guilty about what happened with Happy. I walked out into the kitchen and started making breakfast for both of us. Kozik sat down at the table and I served out the food, sitting down to eat.

"So what do you want to do today?" He asked with a mouth full of food

"Babe, swallow before talking" I said smiling at him

"Sorry" he said swallowing

"I was thinking we good go shopping, you know for baby stuff" I said

"Sure, I have to be at the shop later but that'll be fun" he said finishing his food and pushing the plate away

I picked up both our plates, scraped them and stacked them in the dishwasher. It made me think of Happy, and how he cleaned up after himself. I pushed the thought of Happy away, I shouldn't be thinking of him.

After some convincing I managed to get Kozik to drive my car to the shops, he couldn't get it through his head that a motorbike and a pregnant woman don't mix.

We were walking through the baby store, holding hands, ignoring the both curious and nervous glances sent by the other customers. I hated how everyone assumed the worst of Kozik just because of the cut on his back, they didn't know him, not like me. They didn't know how sweet and kind and generous he could be.

We had already got tons of clothes in our basket but I just couldn't help myself. There was so many things we needed to buy.

"Babe, how much stuff are you getting?" He asked

"We need a lot" I said "I'm not going over the top, right?" I asked sighing

"No, of course not" he said pulling me into a hug "But seriously, maybe just tone down the shopping until I get my next pay check" he said laughing but I didn't find it funny

I pulled away from Kozik and went to the counter, buying the stuff and walking out of the store. I got in the passenger seat of the car and waited for Kozik. He got in and started driving home, sending me cautious looks.

"What happened back there?" He asked

"Nothing" I mumbled

"Don't bullshit me, what's wrong?" Be asked again

"It's just, how are we going to pay for everything. We can't even buy stuff now, what happens after the baby's born. I don't earn much at the cafe" I said quickly

He started laughing, he was laughing at me. I was so angry at him. How dare he laugh at my worries.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked

"Because your worrying" he said still laughing

"Well, someone has to worry, a kid's expensive, how are we going to pay for him?"

"I earn enough with the club and at the garage, you have money saved up to put you through college, then get a job. Things will work out just fine" he assured me

"And that is why I love you" I said smiling

I was so focused on what we were talking about that I hadn't noticed where we were going, not until we pulled up outside of the clubhouse.

"Why are we here?" I asked confused

"I've got some club business to take care of, thought you could hang out with Lana" he said frowning "Are you okay with that?" He asked

"Yeah, of course, it's fine" I muttered

I got out of the car, Kozik rushed inside the clubhouse and I slowly walked into the office. I desperately needed to talk to someone about what had happened with Happy, but I couldn't talk to Lana, she would just tell me to stick by Kozik, be a good Old Lady. Sam was on her honeymoon so I couldn't talk to her, besides she wasn't an Old Lady, she wouldn't understand. Maybe I could talk to Ava, she wouldn't be bias.

I walked into the clubhouse hoping that Ava would be there. I realized that there was a slim chance that she would actually be here but I really needed to talk to someone. I spotted her over by the bar and walked up to her.

"Can I talk to you outside?" I asked

"Yeah sure" she said following me outside

"So, what do you want to talk about?" She asked as we sat down at one of the picnic tables

"I wanted your advice on something" I said nervously

"Okay" she said unsure

I took a deep breath to prepare myself "Happy kissed me, twice"

I expected Ava to be shocked, surprised, even horrified. But she wasn't. In fact she looked like she had expected it.

"Why are you not surprised by this? I was" I asked

"Because, at Thanksgiving dinner Happy couldn't take his eyes off of you. He followed your every movement. You'd twitch and he'd noticed" she said

"Really, are you sure?" I asked

"Valerie, I know what a man in love looks like. Trust me, they love you, all three of them" she said

"Three of them?" I asked confused

"Yeah, Happy, Kozik and Danny" she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

"What am I going to do?" I asked running my hand through my hair

"Did you kiss him back?" She asked

"Yes, the first time, but I pushed him away. The second time I was too angry at him, this is so confusing" I said groaning

"Do you want to kiss him again?" She asked

"No, maybe. I mean, if I wasn't with Kozik and pregnant, then yeah I probably would" I said

"I think you should stay away from them, let Happy sort out his feelings. Don't let him confuse you" she said getting up

"Thanks for the advice" I said

"I'm going back home, do you want a lift?" She offered

"No, I'll wait for Kozik, see you later" I said

Ava paused before nodding and walking to her car. I walked into the office, taking a seat behind the desk to wait for Kozik.

A couple of minutes later Kozik came in to tell me that he was dealing with club business and would be home later. I stood up, grabbing my bag and was about to leave when Danny walked in to the office.

"Hey, Danny, how are you doing?" I asked, still thinking about what Ava had said

"I'm good, how are you?" he asked

"Good, getting bigger by the day" I said forcing out a laugh

"Do you need a ride home or something?" He asked

"No, my car's here" I said

I stepped past Danny and walked outside, I opened my car door when I felt eyes on me. I looked up to see Danny staring at me from the doorway longingly, I looked away from him and saw Happy staring between us with an angry expression on his face. I got into the car and drove home, trying to forget about Happy and Danny.

**What do you think Valerie should do about Happy and Danny?**


End file.
